Facing Reality
by KendraincupcakesG
Summary: Jade ran away choosing to avoid the problem all together. But now with both of her best friends gone and leaving their only child, Jade is back to face all the demons she left behind including Beck. Can she move past the mistakes of the past or will only more damage be done. Beck
1. Chapter 1

_**"Hold on, to me as we go**_  
_**As we roll down this unfamiliar road**_  
_**And although this wave is stringing us along**_  
_**Just know you're not alone**_  
_**Cause I'm going to make this place your home**_  
_**Settle down, it'll all be clear**_  
_**Don't pay no mind to the demons**_  
_**They fill you with fear**_  
_**The trouble it might drag you down**_  
_**If you get lost, you can always be found"- HOME-Philip Phillips.**_

**Facing Reality**

**CH. 1**

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It takes you a whole ten minutes to find a parking space outside of the church. You knew that people would show up, but not this many people. Most of them, like you, will be heading back east tomorrow. Before getting out of your rented black Mercedes you take a sip of your coffee. It was hard enough for you to get out of your hotel room this mourning. You cried all night long for many reasons; the loss that you just suffered and just being back in Los Angeles after so many months. Placing the cup of coffee from Jet Brew (man did you miss the taste of their coffee) back down in the cup holder, you look in the rear view mirror. You run a hand through your black curls and re-apply your mascara. Once your done, you take a deep breath and open up you door stepping into the warm California weather. The warmth doesn't feel right for the occasion or maybe you have been in New York too long.

By the time you reach the church doors you know that you are late. You contemplate turning around, hopping in your rental car and driving straight back to the airport. They were your best friends so you have to face the crowd. All eyes will be on you when you walk in because you are still the infamous Jade West. You straighten out your sleeveless dress before gripping the cold knob that opens the church doors. Mrs. Vega, who is standing behind a podium at the front of the church, stops her speech to give you a warm smile. Behind the smile you can tell that she is broken, who can blame her. Once you take your seat in the back pew Mrs. Vega continues her speech and everyone returns to listen. In the pew across from you, you see Chessa.

Chessa. Three year old Chessa.

She looks different, maybe it's her hair or she probably got taller. You drown out Mrs. Vega's mournful speech and allow your self to cry for the millionth time since you came back to this town yesterday evening. Chessa has lost everything she has ever known- her parents. You allow your eyes to go to the two coffins at the front of the church. Thank god they are both closed. The veiwng was yesterday, but you made sure that you would be on a plane during that service. You cry harder, smearing your makeup, but you don't care. "Here you sweetie." An elderly lady, who you didn't even know was sitting next to you, hands you a tissue. You quickly grab it up, wiping away the tears as quickly as you can. "It'll be okay." she speaks again. But you know that it is a lie, everything has always been a lie. For the next ten minutes while people express their condolences, you twiddle with your thumbs. Every now and then you sneak a glance at Chessa. She seems so confused sitting next to her grandfather. David looks as beat as his wife who has since returned to sit next to her husband. Your child and her husband aren't suppose to die before you do, but again everything in your world is just so screwed up.

She lost both of her parents. Both.

Does she know how drastically her life has changed in only the matter of a week and a half. If you were here, maybe Andre would have keep his eyes on the road and not lost control of the car. Both him and Tori would be here taking care of their beautiful little girl. Every Saturday they would isolate them self's from the world and just jam out in their home studio, but instead this Saturday she is at both of her parent's funeral. Before you know it the funeral service is over and you remain seated to let most of the church clear out. You know that half of the people will be headed to the burial. Once most of the church is cleared out you make your way out of your pew and land head first on the tiled floor. "Oh my god Jade, are you okay?" Robbie asks you as he helps you get off of the floor.

"I'm fine." You mumble, quickly getting out of his embrace. Behind Robbie you see Cat looking rounder and more beautiful then when you last saw her. The pang of jealously hits you again but you shake it off. Tori and Andre wouldn't like it if you were still upset with Cat at their funeral. Both of them have tears in their eyes. They lost their friends too.

And Beck … well, Beck just stares at you.

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Cat forces you to sit with her and Robbie at the burial. "I missed you so much Jade. I'm due in three weeks and I cant wait." you just give her a tight knit smile. You look around for Beck. After the incident in the church he vanished to his (yours) truck before you could make it out of the church doors. You drain out everything that Cat is saying about her pregnancy and look around the graveyard. "Jade, please tell me that you're back in town for good." Cat says getting your attention.

"I leave tomorrow mourning, Cat." you sigh looking down on her belly. She is huge and you can't believe that she still has another three weeks to go. You think of Chessa again. She is the perfect blend of both her parents. She has thick curly hair, warm brown eyes and an obvious love of music at such an early age. You look around to see if she is here, but don't see her either. Suddenly Holly and David arrive along side Chessa. She just stares mindlessly as they all sit in the front row of the row of chairs. You can't see how she is doing because you are sitting to many rows back.

"He told me that he didn't do anything, Jade. He told me that it was all her and that she wanted nothing but more fame and money. Why can't you believe him Jade? It's been almost seven months." She places a hand on her swollen stomach. You wonder what she is having. You didn't stick around long enough to find out. You were angry at the world.

Everything in everyone else's life's seemed to be going perfect at the time. Cat had just gotten pregnant and the article in people magazine had dropped the same week she came to you and Tori with the news. The next week you were on a plane to New York, tears in your eyes and not having a clue what to due. You just want to go back a year where life was perfect. Beck had just landed another role and you just finished promoting one of your many hit films. He made you happy the way he would wake you up every morning with a kiss and how you would spend hours at night just being one with each other. You want to go back to before he slept with your co-star.

"Cat, Mellissa told me everything, okay? She was my co-star and … and my friend, why would she lie about something like that?"

You don't give Cat a chance to respond. Robbie just looks at you and you see his arm tighten around his fiancées shoulder. They got engaged a month after you left and you remember how Tori called you with the news. You were still angry at the world and at Beck for cheating on you. You read that article over and over again, staring at the photos of Beck and Mellissa at clubs and other social events. You can't do this anymore as you stand up and walk away from the burial. You hear Cat protest all the way but she doesn't come after you. You walk and walk until you are out of view from the burial.

"Leaving again?" his voices startles you and stops you dead in your tracks. He is sitting at the base of a tree you just passed. His suit is wrinkled, tie loosend around his neck. An instant scowl is placed on your face. "Wait, you are because that's what you do when things happen, don't you." He laughs wickedly as he stares at you. You stare at him and notice how much has changed. His hair is dull and lifeless and the smell liquor is so obvious it scares you. "What the fuck are you doing back here, Jade."

"They were my… friends." You breathe out. You want nothing more than to be back in your tiny cold apartment wrapped under the sheets, than to be facing him now. You haven't seen him like this before, but then again he wasn't the man you thought he was. He was ( still is) a liar and a cheater.

He laughs again making you flinch. "Oh really? Because didn't both of them try to convince you to stay and to believe me," he stands up now grabbing your wrists. You mind goes to the fights you had and the epic meltdown that sent you packing in the first place. He ruined everything all for some typical whore actress. "If they were your friends shouldn't you have listened to Tori and Andre. You always did before. You have no right to call them your friends. You haven't even been here in the past seven moths." His grip on your wrist gets tighter.

"What do you want from me, Beck?" you ask trying to break the grip but it doesn't loosen. The liquor strong in your nose makes you flinch again.

"I want you to admit that you were wrong and that your nothing but a selfish BITCH that runs away from all her problems, always. I want you to admit that you left me for here for no good reason at all. Admit that you were wrong." He screams, stabbing you with each word.

"You cheated on my! What did you expect from me, Beck?" you scream back at him. Tears coming back to your eyes and you feel them burn down your cheeks.

"You believe some low class whore over me, Jade. You're suppose to trust me and know that I would never cheat on you, NEVER!" he keeps screaming. You see tears fall from his eyes.

You gulp down hard. "Why wouldn't you cheat on me, Beck. You kissed another girl while we were together in high school. Plus she could give you everything you wanted." You say the last part in a whisper looking down to the ground.

" Your still on that, really? Why would I give you up, huh? We have been together for ten years, Jade. TEN! I LOVE YOUJADE! How could you believe anyone, let alone her, over me?" He is still screaming and you have nothing else to say. " Why did it take for our best friends to die, for you to come back. You should have listened to me, to them, before running away to New –" He raises your hands in front of his still crying eyes and he gets angrier. "You took it off, Jade. You are really letting this girl ruin our future, FUCK you!"

"Really Beck? Your the reason why i took off the stupid ring in the first place and why left in the first place! So FUCK you too!"

"And how is that treating you,huh?" Your heart breaks more with the fact that he is still screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Stop it, both of you!" Holly is now in front of you with tears in her eyes as well. The burial must be over. You can see cars leaving out of the graveyard. Beck lets your wrists drop numbly back to your sides. "You guys should be ashamed to act this way at your best friends funeral. It is good to see you again though, Jade." She brings you in for a hug and you squeeze tightly. You feel guilty as you try to picture her as the girl you grew to love over the years, the girl who told you that Beck did nothing wrong, the girl who you haven't talked to in a month and wont get to talk to ever again.

"It's good seeing you Holly, but I have to go. My Plane leaves early in the morning." You say whispering the last part. You see Beck's eyes flash with anger at the fact of you leaving so soon.

"Oh Jade. I love with all of my heart. You can't leave again, Beck has been miserable with out. And now that both Tori and Andre are … gone you are all he has left." You stare over to Beck as she talks. You feel sick to your stomach as you notice all the pain in your ex-lover's face and want to wrap your arms around his muscular figure and tell him that everything is going to be okay. You can't deny the fact that you still love him with all of your heart. But you don't want to end up like your mother, who was sucked in by your cheating father's lies. Beck cheated on you and nothing was going to change that-nothing. "Can both of you just try to act that you love each other, okay. Now both of you are coming to the reading of the will."

"Oh." You mumble. You rub your arms up against each other, suddenly filling cold. Them being dead is finally setting in you.

"What for," Beck asks confused but the anger and hatred he has for you still in his voice.

Holly takes a deep breath, "Well both of you were named in the will. You will have to work past this bump in the road and work together for Chessa's sake. You are her godparents and are going to have to take care of her, together."

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**A/N: **

hey! I got this idea from the movie Life as we Know it(you should watch it if you haven't seen it already) and decided to add a victorious spin on it! **please review if you want me to continue**. this is a different writing style i am trying out so sorry for any mistakes. i currently don't have a beta but would love one! **Don't favorite and add to your alert with our reviewing. **if you are confused on anything that happened in this chapter, all will be explained next chapter. but only if you **review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Facing Reality **

**CH. 2**

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**"And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back**

**And given half the chance would I take any of it back**

**It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone**

**It's always darkest before the dawn"- Shake it Out- Florence + the machine.**

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**A/N: warning: graphic language near the end:) read on!**

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In the Vega household everything is on edge. Know one talks as the lawyer gets all of the papers ready. Everyone just sits wanting this to be over with, and you can't agree more. It doesn't help that Beck hasn't stopped staring at you. He doesn't mind the tears streaming down his tanned cheeks and the angry glare that is there too. His chocolate eyes burning with fury and alcohol. You turn your attention away from him and focus down on your coffee stained hands. Before you stepped out of your car you gripped the Jet Brew cup until a hole was punctured, causing the coffee to spill all over your hands and the leather seats. Thank god they were leather so you wouldn't have to pay to have them repaired. "Now Mr. and Mrs. Harris made a will about a year ago. They leave all of their money to their daughter Chessa , for when she turns eighteen. To Mr. and Mrs. Vega along side Mrs. Harris's sister they leave the house in the Florida, and Mr. Oliver and Ms. West they give full custody of Chessa J. Harris as well as the home here in LA, to Mr. Harris's grandmother…" the lawyer continues to talk, but you stop listening.

You want to kill Tori and Andre (if they weren't already dead) for putting you up to this. Why wouldn't they reconsider after all that has happened between you and Beck. You turn around to look at him but his face is unreadable, like always. You believe that he his angry and upset, but not at the custody arrangement.

He doesn't deserve to be angry.

He caused this mess.

When the lawyer is done reading the will, he starts to hand out the legal documents. You remain seated letting your thoughts take over. You can't take care of a child. You can't take care of a child with a man you hate (lie). You can't do it- you refuse. "Fuck." You mutter softly.

"Ms. West … I assume that is you?" You shake your head to answer his question. "Well here are your papers and the deed for the house."

"I can't do this." You breathe out. You feel him behind you, rather you smell him. His smell-even mixed with alcohol- still intoxicates you. He is now standing between you and the lawyer, arms crossed.

"I agree. You see, taking care of child requires both parities to be PRESENT and mature, and not to run away because a bunch of LIES." He meant for them to hurt, and they did. A glare is instantly placed on your face. He doesn't deserve to be mad. He cheated on you. He fucked up. "We'll be right back." He says to the lawyer before pulling you away.

"Beck," Cat who has tears in her eyes says. "Please stop." Robbie is still standing by her. Again, you feel the pang of jealously in the pit of your stomach. Beck doesn't stop dragging you until you are in the hallway behind the stairs.

"And I'm immature." You yell at him. He grips your wrist like earlier today in the graveyard, and starts to laugh.

"I can't believe that you took the ring off. I think that is what upsets me the most, you know." Again, he caused this. "Jesus." He mutters. He starts to cry again, but you keep the glare on your face. You just want to leave already. Yes, they were your best friends, but you can't do this. His crying turns hysterical, "I don't deserve this! I didn't do anything! You got up and left, Jade. You let that bitch ruin us. Why?" He presses his forehead to yours, but you quickly back away. You don't want to touch him (lie.) Then Mrs. Vega comes over to your fight. She looks even more stressed then this mourning. Beck Drops your wrist.

"Mrs. Vega… I… I… I can't do this." You breathe out. "Chessa deserves so much more than what I can give her…" Beck Rolls his eyes. "I can't be back here in LA… with him." You admit honestly.

Beck gets angry again- worse than before. "So you don't want me at all anymore." He says gripping your wrists again. "I. Love. You. I didn't do anything, okay! Nothing. Why can't you just believe me?" He is starting to remind you of a broken record. You try to break out of his grasp, but he only tightens his hands. "I want me life with you. I want you; US! Why wont you listen to me?"

"Beck stop!" Holly snaps.

"No, this isn't fair!" He bites back. You can think nothing more than this is not the same Beck (your Beck). He drops your wrists and backs up until his back hits the wall, sliding down defeated.

"No! What isn't fair is what you are doing to that little girl. You two were practically parents to her before this problem arose! I can't take care of a child when I just lost one of my own. I need BOTH of you to take care of Chessa. I am only asking for six months, alright. If you two still hate each other, or what ever you call this at the end of six months then I will take her, and you can go back to New York or whatever you were, Jade." She is crying again when she stops. You hate your self for adding more stress on her than needed. " Tori told me that you two were trying to have a little one of your own before all of this… mess. Consider this practice." She walks off leaving you and Beck alone. You look down on him and see that he has his head in his hand and is crying violently. You can't help the memories that flood to your mind.

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_"Magic word?" Beck asks you. You have been at this for ten minutes. You straddle him and try to reach for the coffee cup again. "You know what you have to say." He taunts you again, raising the cup from Jet Brew Higher above his head. You lean in to kiss him, hoping to distract him long enough so you can grab your coffee. Sadly he knows your tricks all to well and doesn't let the kiss fool him._

_"Please?" You give up making a puppy dogface._

_"Took you long enough." He says. You hop of his lap and snuggle back in between his arms. You are sitting on your bed after a long day out. "So tell me how your day was?" he pulls you closer to him._

_If that's possible._

_"Well, I met my new cast. " You say sipping your coffee._

_" Tell me about them."_

_"There isn't much to say, but they casted that god awful cable actress from some kids network and she is just-ugh!"_

_"What's her name? He asks bringing your hand up to his lips. He kisses the ring that you have worn on your hand for five years but have had for almost ten. He always does this and you don't know why. It is the exact same as his. Usually when Beck would ask you what a girl's name was you would turn that ugly shade of green, but high school is over and there is no one you see as a threat._

_He is all yours._

_He made a promise._

_"Mellissa... something. I forgot her last name, but she is like a doll that never shuts the hell up.''_

_"Mellissa Ray. Her show isn't that bad." He says._

_You get curious. "When have you seen her show?" you ask. You straddle him again, but only to place your coffee on the nightstand. You decide to stay in this position._

_"Chessa watches it."_

_"Oh… She does not need to be watching crappy actors on TV." He pulls both of your hands up intertwining them with his. "After my cast meeting, I met up with Tori and Cat, and Tori was telling me how Chessa is getting taller and out growing her clothes. Since Chessa's birthday is coming up in a few months, I figured we could take her shopping, you know. I hate all the clothes that Tori pick's out for her. I even saw a kick-ass all black one that I love for her. Tori even told me that she wants another kid and that got Cat talking about kids. She says that she wants a little one with Robbie soon." You dropped so many hints. You weren't just going to come right out and say it. With Chessa almost turning three and both Tori and Cat wanting to get pregnant, you just have that feeling. Why it doesn't make you sick to your stomach? You don't know but you don't really care._

_If the kids from high school saw you now._

_"I wanna have kids." He says absentmindedly. You could never read him, but he could always read you._

_"Really?" You ask pretending not to care._

_"Yeah… but only if you want too. You want to… right?" You lean your head down to kiss him. Its short and sweet but answers his question._

_"I think that it's about time, don't you think." Lets just say it went from there._

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"Look Jeff," you sigh. " It turns out that I have to stay here a lot longer than planned." You lean back against the black Mercedes. You had to get out of that house for a minute. You had to breathe and just clear your head.

"And why are you now staying in LA longer?" Jeff is your manager. He is not that much older than you but due to all the stress you have put on him the past couple of months he has aged over night. "Does this have anything to do with Mr. Oliver?" he says some what amused. Everything for the past 7 months has to deal with Mr. Oliver. When you abandoned LA, you just quit. With everything surfacing the tabloids about Beck's affair and the People article 'Mellissa tells all: her short time affair with superstar Beck Oliver'. You quit acting in general. You didn't want to show up to a set being known as Jade West: the girl who was cheated on by the man that said he loved her. You sit in your tiny apartment in New York just wasting away. Whenever you walk out side paparazzi follow you everywhere asking what when wrong.

Beck Oliver went wrong and ruined everything.

Everything.

"It's a long story." You finally reply back. You take a hand and run it through your messy hair.

"I'm listening..." he says wanting to get to the bottom of it.

"Well Tori and Andre left Beck and I full custody of their three year old. Tori's mom is making the both of us take care of her for six months. I love that little girl, but I don't think I can do this." you rush all of it together barley being able to breathe at the end.

"This is good." He speaks.

"How is this good, Jeff?" You scream through the phone. Doesn't he know the damage between you and Beck?

"This is good because for one you two aren't divorced, and secondly you have to get back out there Jade. You just can't keep passing up the deals you have been getting. If he cheated on you, if he didn't cheat on you, I don't care. He has yet to sign the paper work you sent for the divorce to go through. Take care of the kid and try to work things out. This happened for a reason. It's only six months." Why is he encouraging this? You try to argue but he cuts your off. "I don't care Jade! You're staying. Plus you two can't force your problems on a little girl. She lost both her parents. Her parents use to be your best friends, Jade." He hangs up after that last sentence. This makes you feel worse. The fact that Beck wont sign the divorce papers makes you even madder.

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_"How dare you!" he screams through the phone. You were expecting this. You sent the papers in the mail a week ago. He is so obviously drunk. "I. DIDN'T. DO. ANYTHING. You know this Jade. You have been gone two weeks and you're already divorcing me. NO! No, you're not doing this. Why can't you just listen to me, dammit!" You hang up quickly because you don't want him to know that you started crying. Why can't he just admit that he is wrong so you can be done with this._

_Done with him._

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When you walk back inside Beck is holding Chessa in his lap talking to her. Chessa turns around to see you and jumps out of his arms. You bend to pick her up just at the right moment when she runs towards you. "Hi baby girl." You press your forehead to hers. You haven't seen her in so long and you hate that.

"Auntie Jay! You're back but uncle Becky said your going to leave again. Why do you keep leaving? I want you to stay." You can't believe that Beck would tell her that. He joins you two standing close again.

"I'm not leaving 'Essa." You say. You have to stay now. For her. You always loved her like your own.

Jeff was right; she doesn't deserve your problems.

"So you and uncle Becky are going to take me home because I miss mommy and daddy and want to see them." She yawns. Both you and Beck flinch at her innocence. It's sad she doesn't understand what is happening around her.

"You will see them kiddo… one day." Beck says calmly. He was always so good with her. What Holly says hits you again. It's sad because maybe still think of having kids with Beck.

No you don't.

(lie).

"Now you're going to spend the night at our house, okay? It'll be like you used to." He wasn't just saying that Chessa. You flinch at 'Our house'. It isn't 'our' house any more its his house. Your house (apartment) is in New York.

By the time you have all the paper work settled with the lawyer, Chessa is asleep in Beck's arm. You walk behind him and out to the driveway. "So is Chessa going to ride with you or with me?" you don't even know why you asked because he is already laying Chessa down in the back seat of his truck. "I'll just follow you back to your house." You say looking down at the sidewalk.

"Why don't you just ride with us?" His voice is calm and you like it this way.

"I have the car that I rented and I don't plan on staying there long anyway."

"What? Why? Chessa would be hurt if you weren't there in the mourning."

"I don't have clothes or anything, Beck." You say again. Why can't he just get that you don't want to spend the night at his (Yours) house.

"You didn't take that much stuff when you left, you left plenty of clothes. It was your house too." He sighs again.

"I'll just follow you then." You walk towards the black Mercedes. You don't really need to follow him; you still know the way.

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It's a thirty-minute drive to the house. It's a nice house; the perfect house. Right outside the city so when you would come home it was just Beck&Jade. Now it's Beck with you in New York. Chessa is still sleep so Beck holds her carries her to the front door. Beck just turns the knob and the door opens. When did he become so forgetful? It was you who always forgot to lock the door, causing him to come behind you and for both of you to be late to whatever event you were scheduled to attend. You walk extra slow behind them making sure they are fully inside before you reach the door.

Nothing has changed.

Not a single thing.

It almost seems like nothing has been touched in the seven months you have been gone. You can't breathe again as everything you left behind is now in view. Beck must have gone to put Chessa down in her room. You made it her room for the constant times she would fall asleep in the spare room when Tori and Andre would stay too late.

" She is sound a sleep." Beck says. You didn't even notice that he came from upstairs.

"I'll sleep in the guess room." You say moving to the stairs but he pulls at your arm. "Beck. Let go."

"Can you please listen to me?" You don't even notice that he was backing you up until your back hits the wall. He places his arms on either side of your body, making it impossible to move. The liquor smell is somewhat faded but his cologne is still strong making your nostrils flare.

"Not tonight… Beck." You just want to go up to the guest room.

"Then when, Jade? Are you ever gonna hear me out? Listen to my side of the story…because right now, it doesn't seem like you have ever loved me." He accuses you, leaning in closer.

"I did love you. You fucked her Beck." You scream at him.

You did love him and still do.

"Oh right. Was that between me fucking you on the kitchen table, or better yet this wall," he pushes you harder against the wall making your veins pulse." Or was it when you scratched up my whole back and when you begged me to take baths with you." He says and you look up at him in shock.

"Your fucking gross." You say trying to move but he grips you by your forearms. You're crying again and breathing heavily. "Stop."

"She got paid over one million to give that article to People. She came to me and told me that it was her plan all along because she was in debt and needed the money. She didn't care about you or me she was just a selfish whore. Why would I cheat on my wife?" He says calmly leaning his head on yours. You feel the sweat off his forehead. You remember what Jeff said earlier about Beck not signing the divorce papers. You wish he did.

Or do you.

"Why wouldn't you fuck her? She is prettier, and more well known… and she has longer legs … and she can give you everything you want." You whisper the last part, ashamed at your self. He is so close that your lips are inches away from each other and you get that feeling again.

Why does he still make you feel this way?

"Like, give me a child." He whispers. You close you eyes letting the warm tears spill down your heated cheeks. When you open them again he is gone.

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**A/N:**

I'm updating a lot earlier than expected. I enjoyed writing this chapter. So Beck and Jade are married and have been for five years but Jade kept her maiden name. They also wanted to have kids before the cheating scandal. Now can you see why Jade is jealous of Cat and Robbie? **Review if you want another quick update. Next chapter up at around the 20ish mark. (I love long reviews). If you get me there next chapter up by Tuesday night!**

**Again if your going to add to your alrets/favs please review.**

And I need a beta badly! Let me know if your interested .


	3. Chapter 3

**Facing Reality**

** Ch. 3**

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_**"My heart is paralyzed**_

_**My head is oversized **_

_**Ill take the high road like i should **_

_**You said its meant to be**_

_**that its not you,its me**_

_**You're leaving now for my own good."Train-50 ways to say good bye.**_

You look around you making sure that Beck was nowhere near. You wipe the tears from your eyes, but your still crying. You don't know where Beck went but you don't care. You walk up the stairs slowly still recovering from the scene that just took place. So many emotions between the two of you that you cant function anymore. You open Chessa's door to check in on her. She is curled up in a tiny ball under the sheets with her mouth slightly parted. Her curly hair is spiraled onto the pillow. More tears come to eyes as you start to cry harder. How could Tori and Andre leave behind this beautiful girl. Better yet, why did they leave this beautiful girl with two very fucked people. You close the door silently, making sure not disturb her. You walk across the hall to the guess room. What you see next shocks you.

The room is the only thing in the house that is disturbed. The bed is undone and clothes are on the floor. The lamp is on but dim very dim. You walk in the room to get a better look. The picture of you, Beck, Tori, Andre, Cat, and Robbie is still on the dresser. You pick it up in your hands tracing the outline of the frame. It was taken at Tori's baby shower. Everything was so… perfect back then. Your friends were alive and you didn't have a cheating husband. On the Bed you see a stack of papers and a pen. You pick up the papers, which turn out to be your divorce papers. They have wrinkles in them showing that they have been crumbled in his hands. Why can't he just let you go? "Looking for something?" You jump at the sound of his voice. You throw the papers down on the bed but he saw you. He is standing in the doorway, arms crossed.

"What happened in here?" you ask. Your heart starts to beat fast as he moves completely in the room. He slips off his shoes and goes to sit on the bed, taking the divorce papers in his hands. He hangs his head, closing his eyes. You cross your arms, waiting for him to answer. You guess that he has been living in here since you left. What else has changed you wonder.

"I can't sleep in our room with out staying up all night wondering when you would come back to me. I'm sorry what I said down there. That was never a problem for me, you know. " He apologizes. He doesn't clarify exactly what he is apologizing for, but you know what it is. He runs his hands through his hair. That is when you see the golden band. You figure that he has yet to take it off. Shaking, you look down at your bare hands not knowing what you are feeling.

"I'll just sleep on the couch downstairs. " You make your way out of the room.

"Nothing has changed in our room. You can sleep there if you want." He speaks making you freeze outside the door. You would rather sleep in there so you can lock the door-if there is still a lock- and isolate your self. You close the door behind you, separating the two of you. You hear him wish you a goodnight through the closed door.

( )

You unzip the dress and let pool at your feet. Everything in here is how you remembered, not a thing out of place. You step out of the dress and walk over into the walk-in closet. You look around seeing all the clothes you couldn't fit in your suitcase. You walk to his side of the closet running your hands through the clothes he still has in here. You hesitantly grab a t-shirt f his and pull it over your head.

You stand in front of the mirror before going calling it a night. Today has been such an emotional day. You get in the bed and pull the covers over your cold skin. Why did he have to ruin everything.

Why did he have to cheat on you?

You two use to be perfect.

( )

Living in New York for a long time you get use to the time difference. When you roll over in bed to look at the alarm clock to see that it is six o'clock, way to early to be up in LA. By now in New York you would be up and moving around. Jeff would call usually about another deal and you would just reply… no. For an hour you stay awake in bed reliving the memories that took place here.

( )

_"Babe we gota go like- now. Tori just texted me saying that Chessa just mastered something ancient on the piano and wants to out on a recital for us." You say smiling down at your phone. You hope that your future child has a passion for something as much as Chessa does. Becks yawn on the couch besides you. "Is someone all worn out?" You tease. He nods his head honestly. "Well you better prepare your self so we can try again tonight." You say playfully._

_"Why do I have to wait for tonight." He climbs on top of you and starts to kiss all over your neck._

_"N-n-not now because I already told Tori we were on our way." You say trying not to get distracted. He had a way of just completely taking over you, bending you to his every will. He climbs back off of you and stands up off the couch._

_"Tonight better be amazing then. I'm thinking we could shoot for twins." His amazing grin appears in his face and you want to text Tori and tell her that you cant make it but you cant disappoint Chessa._

_"When is it never great." You laugh before heading to the door._

_"You do have a point there." he follows behind you. _

_"Hey so the wrap up party is in a week and i was going to invite Cat, Robbie, Tori and Andre."_

_"What about your husband?" He mocks._

_"Duh!" You reply._

_"Hey is Melissa going to be there?" _

_"She is on the movie... sadly."_

_"oh." You don't think anything of it._

( )

You don't even know why your crying by the time you feel a single tear roll its way down your face. You stop your crying when you hear noises coming from down stairs. You get out of bed heading to the door before realizing what you have on. This use to be normal attire for you to walk around in, but you can't go down there only in Beck's shirt and your underwear. Going in to the closet you decide to put on an old pair of his sweatpants. You also tie your hair in a ponytail before leaving the room.

"Uncle Becky, are you sure that auntie Jay will like this?" You hear an energetic Chessa say from the kitchen. You walk slowly down the stairs wanting to hear Beck's response.

"Of-course she will, Honeybun. You are an excellent chef." He chuckles. You make your way fully into the kitchen. Chessa and Beck are sitting down at the kitchen table, which is full of your favorite breakfast foods. There are pancakes, fruit, and bacon. You smile to your self, thinking of all the times Beck would cook for you in this kitchen. But you can't help the thought of him cooking for Mellissa that comes to mind, making that smile quickly fade.

"Good mourning, auntie Jay! We made you breakfast!" she smiles at you. Beck turns to look at you and smiles when he notices that you have his clothes.

"Hey." He mumbles. He looks ten times better than from yesterday. His hair looks washed and groomed and there is no sign of alcohol in his eyes. He still looks tired though and you want to say… depressed. You move to sit down with them at the table. Chessa already has a plate full of food and Becks plate is completely empty. You grab a pancake, some cut-up mangos and a few pieces of bacon. With all that went on yesterday you forgot to eat. Your stomach is still growling when you take your first bite.

You look up from your plate of food to find Chessa and Beck staring at you. Chessa is staring in anticipation, with Beck in admiration and awe. "Why do you keep staring at me 'Essa?" You choose to acknowledge her stare only.

"Do you like it?" She asks making you smile.

"Like it?" You say at first making her face drop. "I love it!" you say making Chessa burst with giggles. You're mad at your self for not seeing this girl in so long. You miss having moments like this. Moments like this made you feel like you had a family of your own.

( )

"Auntie Jade why did you leave? Cause mommy said that you were really hurt by someone you loved and daddy said that uncle Becky destroyed everything. But I don't believe daddy." You finish tying her shoes and then pull her up with you on her bed. You just finished giving her a bath and getting her dressed for the day.

"Well it was both." You could never really lie to her. Tori and Andre always tried to tell keep things honest with Chessa.

"But mommy said that uncle Becky didn't do anything and that daddy didn't know what he was talking about." You shift on the bed so that you are in front of her.

"It was because of uncle Becky. He did something that he wasn't suppose to and it really hurt me." The article from People flashes in your mind.

"Mommy would always say that you and uncle Becky were perfect for each other. Why would he hurt you?"

"He just did Chessa. Now you stay in here and watch TV while I go clean up the mess that you and uncle Becky made." You try to say the last part happily but it doesn't turn out the way it should.

You turn on the TV and flip through the channels. "Turn back auntie Jay!" You obey her wish but freeze when you see HER face. The anger starts to bubble in your stomach as you grip the remote. At first you assume that it is another story covering the cheating scandal but when you hear Chessa's oh so famous giggle you notice that it is just the bitches TV show. It's a rerun you know because the show got cancelled right after the story broke. You made sure of it. What parent wants their child watching a whore anyway?

"Chessa why do you like this show so much?" You ask.

"Because SHE is really pretty." Chessa points to Mellissa on the screen. "I want to be like her when I grow up."

You place you hands on either side of Chessa's face blocking her view from the TV. "Chessa promise me you will never be like her-EVER." You start to feel you eyes water. You blink rapidly stopping them from spilling over.

"Why not? She is famous like you and uncle Becky and she is really funny."

"Because Chessa, she is not like she is on TV. Like I'm not like I am in all the movies I am in." You sigh and she nods. You want to end this conversation so you get off the bed and exit the room. You make sure to shut the door behind you.

When you get down to the kitchen Beck has already cleaned up most of the mess and is washing dishes. You move silently around the kitchen putting up left out ingredients. "You don't have to do anything." He says finishing up the dishes. You ignore him and move to wipe the kitchen table. You feel his damp hands wrap around your waist and his face burry in the crook of your neck. "I missed you so much." He says running his nose over your shoulder. "God you smell amazing." He starts to nibble at your neck and you cant help but lean into his touch. "Don't leave me." He whispers sounding more like plead. Your eyes are closed and you are amazed at how much you missed this… missed him. He keeps whispering don't leave me and you are about ready to turn around and forget everything that happened between you two.

"Auntie Jay!" Beck quickly releases you when you hear Chessa coming down the stairs. You pretend to be wiping off the table again when she enters. Beck goes back over to the sink and leans his back against it. He looks completely distraught after what just happened between the two of you. You look down to see that he is fully turned on by the situation. You hate your self for letting him take advantage of you like that. He cheated on you and ruined everything. You shouldn't be filling this way again.

Ever.

( )

_"And you know for sure?" Andre asks leaning in closer from the couch._

_"Dre' I know. I saw them together at the wrap up party. You don't just have a girl pinned up against the wall like that whispering in her ear." You say rolling your eyes and crossing your arms._

_"Jade, Beck wouldn't cheat on you and you know that. I thought that you were over this jealous thing. Are you sure that they weren't just talking or something?" Tori says sitting down next to Andre on the couch._

_"I SAW THEM!"_

_"Maybe something did happen I mean I saw them too at the party and Beck was with her most of the night." Andre says leaning back to wrap his arm around Tori._

_"Look both of you are wrong, okay? I know Beck and he wouldn't do this Jade and not with such a lowlife actress." Tori says._

_"You know him better than I do now? What are you sleeping with him now too." You smirk with way too much pride._

_"Fuck you, Jade. Here I am trying to help and you blame me of something like that. Talk to me when you stop acting like a child. Beck is in love with you- Even though right now I am finding it hard to believe why- and you know that he would never let you go even if he had the chance." You hear Chessa calling for her and she stands up leaving you alone with Andre._

_"Just… go Jade, okay? but don't worry I think Tori is right and that he's not cheating on you and if he is … well lets just hope that he isn't." You hope that he isn't too._

_( )_

"What do you need kiddo?" Beck asks Chessa.

"Mr. Kankels, he's at grandma's house and I miss him. He always watches Mitsy Chirsty with me." Mr. kankles was the stuff giraffe that Cat had gotten Chessa for her 1st birthday. Both you and Beck flinch at the sound of Mellissa's show.

"Well how about I get dressed and we can go get him and then how about you spend the whole day with me. Does that sound fun?" You ask and she shakes her head yes. "Let me go and get dressed and well go, okay?" She smiles brightly and runs up stairs.

"What are you going to do with her all day?" Beck asks still leaning against the kitchen sink.

"I'll just take her with me to Holly and David's and then to the hotel and finally the airport."

"Whoa, why the airport? He asks in confusion.

"So I can return the rental car. Holly said six months didn't she?" You say bitterly. You can't show him that you enjoyed what just happened between the two of you. He is in no way getting off that easily.

He's not getting off at all.

You start to head for the stairs but he stops you. "Just promise me that you'll come back and at least listen to me, okay?" He pleads.

"I'll listen okay just… ugh."

"You'll listen?" he says for the first time hopefully.

"I'll listen." You mutter barely audible but by the wide tooth grin (which you love-a lot) that he heard you.

"And Beck don't ever touch me like that again." You say before making your way up the stairs.

"Even with out the ring and the last name Jade, you're still my WIFE." You hear him before disappearing back into your old room again.

Fuck You.

Major.

* * *

**A/N:**

Sorry I am late on the update an that this chapter is somewhat crap. Stuff happens.

_** Review**_ telling me what you guys thought and what you think will happen next. Do you love the flash back? You guys got me way past the **20ish** mark so im gonna say next chapter up at around the **50ish** mark. I promise that the next chapter will be worth it. PROMISE GUYS! and remember** I LOVE** long reviews.

**(sorry for any mistakes this chapter)**

p.s. follow me on twitte**r ( KendraKeeter)**

**_REVIEW_ FOR A QUICK UPDATE THAT I SWEAR WILL BE WORTH IT! MORE SECRETS AND SURPRISES TO COME!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Facing Reality**

**Ch. 4**

( )

( )

( )

( )

**"Thats why you take me, way past the point of turning me on.**

**You about to break me. i swear you got me losing my mind." **-**whats my name**-Rhinanna

* * *

By the time you get home later that night Chessa is sleep in your arms. Today has been another long and stressful day. You first took Chessa to Holly and David's first. When you arrived the atmosphere in the house was still very mournful. While Chessa looked around for her giraffe, you and Holly talked in Tori's old room. You weren't comfortable being in there, but Holly insisted being in her daughter's old room. She asked how things with Beck were going and you explained that it was… complicated. You told her that you planned on moving back to LA but only for Chessa's, and that you are going to start looking for apartments that are close by. You cant live with Beck in his (your) house again. Holly doesn't like the idea of you and Beck not living together for Chessa's sake. You don't even know how it's going to work raising Chessa not being with Beck, but it will have to be done. Hell he doesn't even know that you have stared to formulate a plan to migrate back west.

After Holly and David's place you took Chessa to her favorite restaurant- a corny kids place- and stayed there for an hour. During that hour you were able to forgot all of the shit going in your life and allow you self only to focus on Chessa. From there you drove to the hotel to check out and grab your suitcase. You should have know that someone would have tipped of the press saying that you were back in LA. The whole outside of the hotel was flooded with paparazzi and there was no back entrance. You held Chessa in your arms blocking her face from all the cameras. Andre and Tori always tried to keep Chessa hidden from the media. The only time that she really got exposed was when she hung out with you and Beck. Questions and Flashes were thrown at you left and right. All of them asking if you were back for good, when you were going to start acting again, how were you coping with the loss of music producer Andre Harris and his wife, why you had their child, is Beck with Melissa , and the one that was asked the most was the one that the whole world was waiting for: were you getting back together with Beck Oliver? You had to stay in your hotel room for hours until the press faded away. After that you had to go to the airport to return the black Mercedes. Thank god the rental car people didn't notice the coffee soaked seats. You and Chessa then caught a cab taking you two the movies. You planned on going home right after the airport but you didn't want to see Beck yet. Plus you missed hanging out with Chessa. You wanted to get the most out of this day together. You missed a lot over the course of seven months. Chessa told you stories about things that happened in her life while you were gone. The thing that struck you the most was that she said Tori and Andre fought a lot while you were gone. You asked her what they were fighting about and she said over… you. This makes you upset for two reasons, one being that Tori and Andre never fought, EVER, two being that they were fighting over you. Not You&Beck but just-you. But you know why and you hate your self.

( )

_"Let me in Jade, I know you in there." You walked up to the door already knowing who it is._

_"What do you want?" You ask through the door that is still chained. You see their face and they look confused back at you. Probably because you have tear stained cheeks and do not look like your usual 'Celebrity Jade.'_

_"Let me in." They say and you do because you could never really say no to them._

_"What are you doing here? Better yet why are you here to see me by yourself." You ask letting them in._

_"I have something to tell you. Actually I have a lot to tell you."_

_"If its about Beck I don't want to here it-"_

_"It's not about Beck."_

_( )_

You carry Chessa up the stairs and to her room. The whole house is dark but you know that he is home because the truck is in the driveway.

You tried in that truck too.

You heard that lots of girls ended up lucky when it was done in a car. But then again you weren't like lots of girls.

When you tuck her in bed- still in her clothes- you decide to check the time. Eleven-thirty. Damn it's been a long day but it wasn't as bad as yesterday. You walk past the closed door to the guest room and notice that the light is on. You promised him earlier that you would listen to him but you're so tired from all you did today that you don't want to anymore.

What does he have to say to you anyway?

You know the whole story.

Don't you?

You keep walking until you get to your(s) room. You walk into the full bathroom that is in here and strip to take a hot shower. The water releases all the tension you're holding. It's the second shower you've had to today but this was much needed. You wash your hair remembering the color that it use to hold. You gave up the streaks after landing your first major roll, but the nose and eyebrow piercings were a Jade West trademark. You turn off the steaming hot water when the memories of you and him in here start to invade… again. You wrap a towel around you and walk back out into the bedroom. You drop the towel when you notice him sitting on the bed twiddling his thumbs. He looks up at your naked body and smirks. You quickly bend down grabbing the towel and wrapping it back around your body. "You know that I've see you naked tons of time." He says looking down at his twiddling thumbs. You can't help the blush that flashes across your face. He has seen you naked a lot but he's also seen her… naked so the blush disappears.

You give him a glare. "What are you doing in here?" You ask gripping the towel tight so that it doesn't fall again. He gets off the bed and moves in front of you. He smell so damn good and the thoughts running through your mind are ridiculous. This is the Beck you loved, sober, good looking and irresistible It's because your naked under a towel and that he is standing ohsoclose.

"What took you two so long?" he asks. He backs you up until you are presses up against the wall. Your hands weaken as his smell and his eyes-his sexy eyes- are invading your thoughts, loosening your grip, making the towel drop… again. The position that you are in makes it impossible to pick it back up.

"The paparazzi were at the hotel I was staying at and I had to wait until they left and then I took Chessa to go see a movie." You say. "Now can you please move?" You notice his eyes travel down your body in awe. His hands go to your hips as he steps closer. You bite your bottom lip as you feel the heat between you two. He leans making your lips slightly touch and you breath in deeply.

"You said you would listen to me." He whispers, so close to kissing you but he doesn't and you're kind of mad that he doesn't.

"C-c-can I get dressed first." You stutter. You close your eyes at all the sexual tension between you two.

He lets go of your hips and backs away. It takes you a minute before coming back down from the sexual high. You grab your towel wrapping back around you. You grip it so tight that your knuckles turn red. You are still breathing heavily as is he. "Um meet me out on the deck in ten minutes then." He says walking out of the room. He made sure to take one last look at your body before exciting the room.

You're in some deep shit.

( )

_You're sitting in your room when he finally comes home. You have been waiting all night for him to come home and now its one in the mourning. You have been crying ever since you got home and you just wanted him here with you so that he could hold you in his arms._

_"Hey." He says coming to sit on the bed beside you. He smells of alcohol but he's not drunk. "Hey, what's wrong I thought you went to the doctor today." He says making you cry more._

_"Where have you been? You were supposed to be home hours ago. Dammit Beck, where were you." You sob and he wraps you in his arms. You burry your face in his shoulder and cry harder. He rubs his hand up and down your back and you lean into his touch._

_"I got caught up after the interview. Your costar- Melissa helped me escape the paparazzi after the interview. She was on the show tonight too and I don't know why you hate her so much. Now why are you crying babe?" He says lifting your face. His eyes are full of little alcohol and a lot concern._

_"That stuff that came out of me… I had another miscarriage. That's three times now, Beck. Why the hell does this keep happening to me?'' You are crying so hard that your not even sure of what you are saying._

_It takes him a while to respond. You figure its because he's taking it all in. The first time he cried along with you, the second time he wouldn't speak for a day. So now you don't know what's going to happen. " I love you so listen to me, okay? It's going to be alright. When we ARE blessed with a child it's going to be the best damn kid to walk this earth. It'll have your eyes and hopefully my amazing hair." He makes you smile at that comment. He is crying but its not like the first time. The first time they were angry tears but now he's just crying. "And then it'll have Chessa to play with and… just everything will turn out the way we want it to." Beck kisses your forehead leaving his lips to rest there. You can feel his tears roll onto your forehead._

_"You promise?" You can't help but ask. You have stopped heavily crying now only silently sobbing and now you are in need of him. All of him. He makes you feel so amazing and you can't understand why you just can't give him what he wants-a child._

_"I promise! I swear to love you and our child when it's born. Nothing is going to break us apart, we'll be a family." He reassures you._

_"It's going to be a boy. I really want it to be a boy." You straddle his lap wrapping your arms around his neck. He runs his fingers through your hair and then wipes away the tears still rolling down your cheeks. You do the same. His cheeks are warm and red._

_"Why do you want a boy? What if I want another Jade, running around here, huh?''_

_"I want a boy so he can be just like his father." You lean down to kiss him. He bites at your bottom lip and that's enough to set you off. You break away briefly to speak. "I love you." you whisper. He flips you both so that he is hovering over you. He leans down and kisses your neck._

_"I love you too. Forever and Always."_

( )

Instead of taking ten minutes to get dressed you take an hour and a half. You had to recover from all that has happened. You get dressed this time only in his shirt and a pair of your underwear. Chessa is sound a sleep and won't be up for hours. Plus he did just see you naked (and he is your husband) so you just say what the heck with it. You wish that he would have grown impatient and have gone to bed but when you heard the backyard door open a few times in the past hour and a half, you new that he was waiting for you. Sucking things up, you finally decide to go out onto the deck in the back yard. You walk down the hall and stop at Chessa's door to check in on her. She is sleeping like a rock and slightly snoring. You close her door again and run a hand through your damp hair. You tiptoe down the stairs and out into the backyard. Beck is sitting on one of the patio chairs and is drinking a beer. He is looking out onto the ocean by the time you are fully outside. The atmosphere is warm and feels good on your cold skin. Beck doesn't notice you as he continues to drink from the bottle. Beck was never one to drink a lot- that was your job. Ever since you have left this town he always seem to drinking or drunk.

"What took you so long?" He asks you when you sit down on the patio chair across from him. His words aren't slurred so you know that he isn't drunk and he has only had one beer so far. Everything at the moment seems to be calm. It's the first calm moment you have had with him in months. There are benefits to having a private house on the beach. The water looks peaceful and is silent as the waves come crashing in. Movie stars always have the best homes.

"You said you wanted to talk." You just want to hear what bullshit he has to feed you and go to bed. You're exhausted.

"Beer?" He says pulling one from a box you didn't notice before. You grab the beer from his hands. You open it quickly taking big gulps. By the time you stop drinking the bottle is empty and he hands you another one. You haven't had a drink since the last time you talked to Tori and that was over a month ago. You can already feel the liquid pulsing through your veins as you halfway finish the second one.

"Did you fuck her?" You ask standing up, bottle still in hands and walking to the wood railing that secures the patio. You lean forward resting your forearms against it. He comes to stand behind you but with no beer in his hand. You raise yours taking another gulp finishing the bottle.

"You know I would never hurt you, Jade." Is all he says. He moves close so that your arms are touching as you continue to look at the ocean. "I swear I would never do anything to hurt you." You ignore what he is saying and walk over to the case of beer and grab another one. You don't even care about the massive headache you'll have in the mourning. "Can you please stop. I want you to remember what I'm saying to you now and you can't do that drunk." He attempts to grab the beer out of your hand but you are too quick.

"Did. You. Fuck. Her? It's either a yes or a no, Beckett." You can't tell weather or not your drunk yet, but you don't care. You don't care what he has to say to you. He hurt you like know one has before. He did this to you. He made all of this happen. Him and her.

"No." He says. His eyes flash with so much sorrow and regret that you almost believe him. But everything around you is staring to spin and you feel tears roll down your face.

Yeah your drunk.

"August." He says moving close to you. He always said your middle name when he was being serious and it makes you weak. He places a hand on your face, cupping your check. You take another swig of the beer to finish it off. You let it drop to the floor and are surprised when you don't hear glass breaking. There is much sexual tension between the two of you. You stare at his lips and work your way down. He changed into just a pair of boxers and you place a hand on his bare chest. You laugh noticing that he is in his pj's too. The things you used to do together. He was always so warm compared to your cold skin. Was he always this soft and warm? "Jade just know, that I didn't sleep with her, okay. I didn't do anything with her. It's just… stuff happened. But I am not going to waste my time talking to you now when you're drunk rather than when your sober." Suddenly you are being carried by him and back into the house. You protest-you think- all the way until you are back in your(s) old room.

"When did you start drinking so much? You use to never drink this much. Oh was this another thing that happened after you fucked that slut." He tenses. "God I cant believe that you did that to me, I loved you, you know? I had it all planned after we got married. We would make movies still and be the super power couple that is perfect and one that everyone looks up too, then we were to have kids, keep doing movies while we watch them grow up, and just be together! But then you cheated on me! You cheated on me and ruined everything! God I loved you so much and now I hate you. I FUCKING HATE YOU!" You don't know what you are saying but you see his eyes flash with sadness and he puts you under the sheets as you continue your rant. "But I guess you wanted a new plan. So you go off and have an affair with my costar. I read that goddamn article so many times. I read every article even the ones in the magazines that tell nothing but lies. But you wanna know what all the articles have in common, huh? Huh? They all say that you FUCKED another girl and that you did it because you were sick and tired of me. Apparently you were unhappy with our marriage and Mellissa was the girl for you. Oh yeah guess what, I got you back while I was in New York. Yep I hurt you like you hurt me, so ha! But not only did I hurt you I hurt her too. Since I cant have babies with you maybe I can have-" You feel his lips on your, shutting you up. You have no clue what you said but you don't care. This you have missed so much. You are left wanting more when he breaks away. It wasn't enough and you want more. You want to forget the memories from New York running through your mind. You latch your fingers onto his neck to draw him closer but it doesn't work. "Oh yeah I forgot you don't love me, you love her, you have always loved her. Was I really not enough that you had to go fuck Melissa Ray? I'm sorry that I can't give you what you want, okay? I am sorry that the doctor said I am messed up in side and cant give you a family. God, just leave me the fuck alone you piece of shit. I fucking hate you-HATE YOU! Chessa even likes her more than me." You start to cry violently. "That's why I did what I did, you know, back in New York. I did it because you made me feel not good enough-"

He kisses you again and you start to feel you eyes getting heavy. "Goodnight."

( )

You wake up with a pounding headache. You turn to look at the clock to see that it is one-thirty in the afternoon. What the hell happened last night? Is what you think to your self. The last thing you remember is walking out onto the patio last night, or earlier this mourning, to listen to Beck. After that your memory goes blank. You wonder what he said to you and what the hell happened to where you don't remember what happened. You sit up in the bed, which you shouldn't have done because the next thing you know, you are rushing to the bathroom and kneeling down over the toilet.

When you're done pucking your guts out, you stand up and lean over the sink. You stare at your reflection in the mirror.

Yeah, you're hungover.

You look terrible, there is a shit load of sleep in your eyes and your hair is tangled. You take another shower and then get dressed. Your wardrobe in this house is still limited compared to your back home (lie) in New York. You try to remember what happened last night but nothing comes to mind. The headache doesn't fade by the time you go to check in on Chessa. When you open her door, no one is in her room. You go down stairs to check but she nor Beck are nowhere to be found. You start to panic as you go to check the guest room. No way Beck would take Chessa with out alerting you…. god what happened last night? You quickly open the bedroom door to find Beck lying there, but no Chessa. He has his glasses on and is reading a book… upside down. "Where is Chessa?" You ask.

"It's Monday, Tori and Andre-" You flinch at their names. "Would always take Chessa to daycare. She goes Monday-Friday… did you forget that too?" He says the last part to hurt and it does. You already feel terrible for not being in Chessa's life for so long. You are releved to find out that Chessa is safe, though. You take a closer look at Beck to see that he looks off. Why would he be reading a book upside down and his eyes look watery. You move in closer to get a better look and see the divorcement papers in the crease of the book. He notices the worried expression you held on your face and apologizes. You completely forgot that Chessa went to a daycare. You use to pick her up sometimes whenever you weren't filming or busy.

"What time does she get out again?" You ask.

"Four-thirty."

" Oh yeah." You pause before asking your next question. What the hell happened last night?" You ask crossing your arms. Your stomach still feels terrible and the headache now feels like a hammer was smashed into your brain. You look down and panic again. "What the Fuck , Beck! You're bleeding!" You see his eyes go down to look at his pants but he doesn't look surprised or shocked. You step closer and that's when the smell of alcohol invades your nose. His eyes aren't only watery; they are red also. Your eyes then flash over to vodka bottle on the dresser. When did he start drinking vodka, he has always preferred beer or wine, that is how its always been-always. That's when he starts to cry and he sits down on the bed. "Lets go, I am taking you to the hospital. That' looks pretty bad." He only cries as you pull him-gently- out of the room and down the stairs. You look down at his leg again before dragging him out to the garage; his whole right pant leg is soaked in blood. In high school you acted like this stuff didn't scare you and that you showed interest in it, but truth is that you're terrified of it.

Of everything.

When you get Beck out into the garage you notice a motorcycle that was never there before. "Who's motorcycle is that?" You ask once Beck is seated in the truck. He doesn't answer as you start up the car and back out.

"What did you do in New York?" You freeze. What really did happen last night.

( )

**A/N:**Like I was going to give all the secrets away in one chapter. Review for next chapter. The ones last chapter really made me smile and I want to say thank you:) tell me what you guys though of this chapter did you like it? hate it? do you believe Beck? what did jade do in New York? Who came to visit her?

-love, Kendra

follow me on twitter ( kendrakeeter).


	5. Chapter 5

**Facing Reality **

**Ch. 5**

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_**Say you'll be mine**_

_**Say we'll be fine**_

_**Say we'll be together**_

_**Selfish of me to ask**_

_**Cause ill be the reason we don't**_

_**Last forever.- Right here- Justin Bieber ft. Drake.**_

You never knew how many people actually go to hospitals. Better yet you never knew how many people ended up in the emergency room. There seems to be more people in the waiting room than actual patients. You are in the corner of the room sitting on a blue plastic chair. You have your phone in your hands waiting on Cat to text you back. You have been in this cramped up room for an hour and a half just waiting for somebody, anybody to tell you about Beck. When you finally started to drive to the hospital, Beck was out of it and kept whispering over and over again asking you what you did in New York. You didn't answer him but only continued to speed down the streets leading to the hospital. The first thing that popped into your mind when he spoke those words was, Shit! He can't know about what happened in New York the only people who know are dead and Jeff. You must have slipped up last night while you were drinking but you can't remember anything to safe your life. But even if he does know it doesn't change the fact of what he did. You two are even now and that's all that matters.

Revenge was always your best-friend.

By the time you two arrived at the hospital Beck was rushed into the ER and you were forced to this waiting room. Your phone finally vibrates and you open the text message.

_Robbie will have to pick her up on his way home from work. I got put on bed-rest._

You had texted Cat letting her know that You nor Beck would be able to pick up Chessa from daycare. She had asked why and you told her that Beck had to go to the hospital and you had to stay with him until he was released. You made sure to say nothing more because you didn't know anything else about the situation. You reply back saying that you would be at their place to pick her up the minute Beck is released.

There was so much blood coming from Becks leg that you are terrified to what might be wrong with him. You wonder why he is bleeding in the first place. He had seemed perfectly fine physically, since you got here. " You're Jade… West right?" You look up from your phone to see a brunette girl with worried eyes and bitten down nails. She is sitting in the blue plastic chair next to you and you wonder what brought her here. She looks fresh out of high school and is so pretty. If it wasn't for the tears rolling down her mascara stained cheeks you would have thought she was here just to be here. You nod your head yes and look back down at your phone. Your wallpaper is still the same picture of you and Beck kissing at one of his premiers. You couldn't bring your self to delete it when you found out about the affair and moved to New York. You needed some reminder of what he burnt down to the ground. The girl's gaze goes to your phone and in the corner of your eye you see a little smile placed on her saddened tanned face. "I don't think he cheated on you. I have been in too many unfaithful relationships to know a cheater when I see one. I saw that premier on the entertainment channel-" She points to your phone. "You too were so in love and I hate how your letting that chick Melissa ruin your marriage. You two were my favorite celeb couple and I felt so bad when I heard that you filed for a divorce. You guys were together since what, high school? I don't think he would let you go after so many years."

"Annie Jones?" a nurse calls out into the room and the girl stands up more tears coming to her face. "Your husband is alright and he is asking for you. Follow me this way." The nurse calls and the girl begins to follow.

"Oh and I am sorry for your lost." The girl turns back around to face you before following the nurse out the room. She looked so young to be married already… yet again, you were married young and you are still only twenty-three. You must admit that Annie just made you feel a glimspe of happiness towards your mess of a life. You get fan mail everyday saying how bad they felt for you and your failed marriage but this one felt more sincere. Maybe its because she was married her self and knows what it is like.

Everytime someone says that their sorry for your loss it makes you want to puke, though. It still doesn't seem real that they're gone and that any of this is happening. In seven months your husband cheated on you, you practically quit acting, you lost your best-friend before she was even dead, and then she and her husband died in a car crash a little over a week ago, leaving you and Beck in charge of their three year old daughter. When you were sixteen you would have never imagined life to turn out this way. Things were suppose to be simple between you and the world but like always things took a turn for the worst.

You end up waiting in the waiting room for another hour until your name is called. "Jade Oliver? Is there a Jade Oliver in here?" The nurse shouts coming in the room. You don't know why she even bothered to call your name since you are the only one left. You look up to meet the nurse's gaze. "You can see him now. He is in room three-A, down on the left. You rise up and walk out of the room. Before the nurse can go back to her station you corrected her on your last name. You kept the West because it was a better stage name. Only Beck would call you Mrs. Oliver when you two were alone together. You loved the last name but West was another one of your trade marks. It made you-Jade. The nurse apologizes for the mishap and then points you in the direction of Beck's room and you hesitate when you approach the door. A doctor comes up behind you and goes for the knob that opens the door. You figure that it is Beck's doctor. You wait ten seconds and then enter in after him.

Beck is lying down on a bed with a gown and his leg bandaged up. He rises up when he see's both you and the doctor come in. Beck has an IV hooked in his right arm and he looks all drugged up. The doctor moves to Beck's side while you stay near the door. " Mr. Oliver why am I seeing you here again." Your eyes grown wide with wonder at the word _AGAIN_. As long as you have known Beck and been with him he has never been to the doctor. He has gotten sick tons of time but never enough to go see a doctor. He was here with you when you found out you miscarried for the first time and for Chessa's birth, but other than that you are sure he has never been here for himself. Beck rolls his eyes at the doctor's statement. "Oh I'm sorry you must be Mrs. Oliver, right. You have to keep this one-" the doctor points to Beck. "…from over doing it. He wasn't suppose to be doing anything physical until that gash on his leg heals up. Since he wont tell me how he got it, do you know how?" The doctor asks you.

"Umm- its West. My last name is West, but I don't know how the gash got there… I have been out of… town for a while." You look down at your shoes and then back up at the doctor and then to Beck. His expression turns sour at your statement. You move closer to his bed. "When was the last time Beck was here?" You ask the doctor.

"Roughly about a week and a half ago." Beck looks up at the doctor like he wasn't supposed to say anything. Tori and Andre's accident was around that time as well. "You're his wife and he didn't tell you that he was hurt?" the doctor asked.

"Like I said I have been out of town." You reply looking up at the doctor.

"Well your husband is free to go just make sure that he doesn't do anything that will re-open the gash and I am going to be giving him a refill on the pain medicine. He will needed a lot of it the next couple of days… maybe weeks." The doctor says handing you the prescription and leaving the room. You are about to question Beck about how in hell he got injured when he takes out his IV, gets out of bed and speed walks to lock the door behind the doctor.

"Dammit Beck did you not hear what he just said? You shouldn't be moving around!"

"You haven't been drinking have you?" he asks wincing at the pain in his leg. You look at him like he is crazy and reply no. "Okay now you are going to listen to me about everything okay?" He says blocking the door even though it is locked.

"Beck we have to pick up Chessa from Robbie and Cat's place and its been a long day already so can we do this later."

"No Jade! Last night you were suppose to listen to me but you got drunk and completely ignored the situation. So you are not leaving until you hear me out." You sigh a fine and go to sit on the bed. He limps back to you and sits besides you. "Jade I didn't cheat on you. I could never hurt you like that. Its just that-" He stares right into your eyes and a tiny piece of you thinks that he is telling the truth, but then you remember all of the pictures and articles that detailed the affair and you know that he is lying.

"What about that article then, Beck? I saw all of those pictures of you to at that late night TV show, on the set of my movie, the ones of you two pinned up at the wrap party? I would rather you admit that you cheated on me than have you constantly lie just to have me back!" You scoot as far away as you can from him on the bed.

"She listened to me, okay? I could tell her stuff that nobody else knew about me, well besides you, and it was nice. It was nice to just get things off of my chest for once but she had another plan. She just listened so she could get dirt on all of us and so that's why you saw me pinning her up at the wrap party. She told me that she was going to do something that would hurt both of us and that she never really was my friend in the first place. She planned all of this Jade, and I was the fool that fell for it. I told her to stay away from us and stop what ever plan she had, but I swear I never slept with her or even came close to it." He moves in close to you but you stand up off the bed.

"Why couldn't you talk to me or… Andre or Tori, Cat and Robbie, hell you could have hired a shrink! But instead you tell all of your troubles to that whore. Were married Beck you were suppose to tell me everything regardless!" You shout getting angry. You saw Beck's facial expression when you said Andre's and Tori's names but you decide to ignore it. Maybe he is still trying to get over the fact that they are gone too.

"Because Jade, you already knew everything there was about me. I told her how I met you and I even told her about my little drug use senior year. She seemed like she cared and it felt nice to have someone new who cared! Just please believe me when I say that I didn't cheat on you. I love you Jade and-"

"What else did you tell her?" You ask. In the article it detailed personal stuff about you and your home life with Beck but you figured that it was just things that people picked up offline. But no, Beck was the one telling all of your secrets. That little thing in side of you that tells you that he didn't cheat is growing bigger though. When you put two in two together there were no pictures of Beck and Melissa kissing or in any type of highly sexual situations besides him pinning her up against the wall. They were just pictures of him and her after that late night talk show, on the set of your movie, and various other places. They were only seen walking close but nothing more.

It takes him awhile to answer like what he is about to tell you is bad. "I told her that you couldn't have children." He mumbles and your jaw hangs slightly open. You didn't even tell Tori that. you told her about the miscarriages but not the fact that your body would never allow you to carry a baby to term. That was news you only shared to Beck and no one else. "I regretted telling her that the minute that it slipped out of my mouth." He whispers. Before you can speak again a nurse comes into the room with a wheelchair telling you that Beck is already to go. He stares at you waiting for you to reply but you don't.

He stands up and limps to the wheel chair. You honestly don't know what you are feeling right now. You're still angry but not for the whole cheating thing. Honestly you do believe now that he _DIDN'T_ cheat on you, but he still betrayed you. He was suppose to come to you when he wanted to talk about things, even if you already knew everything about him (or so you thought). You wheel him, still not saying a word to the parking lot and help him get into the truck. Before you can pull off he asks you another question. "Do you believe me?" He sounds so weak almost child-like. He stares up at you with those big brown eyes and you decide to be honest with him.

"I do… somewhat. But that doesn't change the fact that you hurt me. Why the hell would you tell her that about me Beck? Everything else I could care less about but telling her that I … cant… give you a child is a whole different thing. Especially knowing that she could probably give you what you want and more. And-"

"Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you think that other girls can give me what I want? What I want, Jade, is _YOU_. I don't care that you can't have kids, I mean yeah it hurts but I still have you. And now we have Chessa due to a bad turn of events, but still Jade I only want you… forever and always." He leans and so do you but its not to kiss. He rest his forehead on yours and you shut your eyes. "I love you." He says and then he kisses you. All at once everything comes rushing forward. You missed this and you cant deny it. It feels so great kissing him again after seven months. This makes you beilve him even more that he would never cheat on you. That girl in the waiting could have been right. You depend the kiss but stop when you hear him wince. You break away knowing that he is still in pain from the gash in your leg.

"How did you hurt yourself?" You ask your forehead still resting on his. He tenses up and moves away from you.

"It was nothing." He replies in a whisper. You ask him again and he gives you the same answer. You then just decide to drop the subject all together. "So are we moving past all of this?" he asks you when you start to pull out of the parking space.

"We can, but it has to be slow, Beck I just can't rush back into things after so many months. But…" You decide not tell him about New York. You can't, not after knowing now that he didn't cheat on you with Melissa or that you are starting to believe that he didn't.

"That's good enough for me, Mrs. Oliver." He sighs making you blush at his own personal name for you. As you drive you cant help the thoughts of New York that crept into you brain making you feel guilty.

He stayed faithful... but you didnt.

( )

Robbie opens the door when you ring the doorbell. You forced Beck to stay in the car not wanting him to walk on his leg. You are just to get Chessa and leave. Usually when you came to Cat and Robbie's place, Cat would keep you here talking for hours and hours on end. Robbie looks angry as he stands in the doorway. "She is upstairs sleeping in the bed with Cat." He says still not moving to let you in the house.

"Well can you move so I can go get her." You say crossing your arms. You turn your head back to the truck to make sure that Beck is still sitting in there, which he is.

"Just one question, Jade. Why are you back here and I'm not just talking about for the funeral." He says and you don't know where he is getting at.

"Robbie I just want to take Chessa and leave. Now please move so I can go get her." You push past him and move into the house. You start to make your way up the stairs to where the master bedroom is but Robbie blocks you again.

"You ruined that little girls family, you know that. They were on the verge of filling for divorce all because of you. Yeah, I know what you did, Andre told me." You freeze looking up at him. If Andre told Robbie then…

"Does Beck know?" You whisper looking back down at your feet. Beck can't know what happened not after everything he admitted to you today.

"I don't know, Jade. I honestly don't know. But how could you do that to them and then show up here like nothing happened. He didn't even cheat on you." Robbie whispers back. You have tears rolling down your cheeks and he lets you go up the stairs to gather Chessa.

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter for some reason took me days to write because I kept re-writing it. but this is all I could come up with. I hope you guys liked it.

So Beck didn't cheat on Jade, huh? We'll have to ask Melissa Ray that next chapter. Things can only go down heel from here for Beck&Jade.

What do you think Jade did in New York? Do you think that Beck really did stay faithful to Jade during there seventh month break? who are you loving the most right now?

I love reading all of your guesses.

Who does the song quote at the begging of the chapter relate to? the person who guess correctly on who it realtes to and how gets the next chapter dedicated to them.

Review for a speedy update by tuesday night (promise this time). I would love to get to 100 reviews but that's up to you guys. Follow me on twitter: ( kendraKeeter) if you wanna talk more about the story or anything else:)

reminder: world wide day of bade is on august 11. are you going to participate. tell me all in a review. i will try to do responses to them next chapter even the anon ones!

Sorry for any mistakes. I still need a beta.

love,

Kendra.


	6. Chapter 6

**Facing Reality**

**CH. 6**

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_**A/N: this chapter is dedicated to SSHAW101 for being the first one to guess who the quote was for correctly. Also i dedicate this chapter to THEBANSHEEQUEEN for making me an awesome cover photo! **_

"The worst things in life

Come free to us." – The A team- Ed Sheeran.

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Opening your eyes, you stare down at the brown curls spiraled onto the pillows next to you. Chessa's chest is slowly rising as she sleeps peacefully in your arms. You move her out of your embrace and get out of bed. Checking the alarm clock you see that it is five-thirty in the mourning and you crawl back in bed with Chessa. Since she was still sleeping when you picked her up from Cat and Robbie's place, you carried her straight up to your(s) room and fell asleep with her.

Again you choose to avoid Beck last night. He admitted to you that he didn't do anything and that it was Melissa's plan all along and you don't know how to respond. You kissed him and it was great, but you still aren't comfortable being with him. You have spent the past seven months hating him for something that is now an apparent lie. You can't rush into things after all the emotional damage you have been through. You are not there yet in complete trust and if Beck knew any better he would be feeling the same way.

( )

_For the first time in a long time you feel, okay. You are sitting in a booth at a small town café right outside of the city with Andre sitting in the seat across from you. A plate of French fries and two beers sit in front of you both. In the corner of the café is a couple singing karaoke( badly)._

_"Oh come on! You totally chickened out when Chessa was born." You say before taking a sip from your beer. It's your second one of the night and surprisingly you don't feel drunk or anywhere near it._

_"Hey now I have been through some pretty messy situations in my life, with my grandma having lost her mind and all, but that was just gross." Andre shudders at the memory of his first and only child being born. You remember that day perfectly even though three years have past. You and Beck were at the hospital from the minute Tori's water broke from wheeling her out of the big glass hospital doors, Chessa wrapped in a purple blanket resting in your best friends arms._

_You continue to talk about old times, Andre avoiding any topic having to do with Beck. You both manage to go through two more plate of fries, and another beer each. When Andre showed up at your door this mourning you thought that it was to convince you to come back to LA and to believe Beck. Instead he reminded you of a promise you two made back in middle school about drinking your first beers in a café outside of New York City. Of course, the 'first beers' part couldn't come true tonight, but whatever._

_Andre had always been this way with you; a friend. But being a friend you have to know if he will be honest with you. "Do you think that he did it?" You ask totally going off your current subject on what Sinjin was up to these days. Andre nearly chokes on the fries he was shoving into his mouth. "Be honest with me, Dré." You say leaning your forearms against the table. You stare into his eyes and you watch the many emotions run through them._

_He takes a deep breath before answering, "Honestly, Jade, I don't know. There isn't enough evidence to prove that he didn't and there isn't enough to prove a full on affair. I mean if he did do it I don't think that it is for average cheating reasons."_

_"What do you mean?" You press on._

_"Most cheaters, cheat because they don't love the person they are with anymore and don't want to hurt their feeling's. But Beck was in love with you and he still is." You look down at the table. You can't deny the fact that you still love him too, and you wonder if he is hurting the way you are hurting. "I mean you are the only girl that he has ever been with… sexually, right? And even before THAT was involved, you were still his first love. Maybe he just wanted to you know venture out see what else life has to offer."_

_"So your saying that it's because he wanted to experiment and get out more? What the fuck type of sense is that, Dré? Are you saying that he loved me but she was better than me and that- " You feel yourself getting angry and you take another sip from your beer. André dosen't know that you can't have kids and that, that is one of the main reason you hate Melissa Ray with ALL YOUR HEART._

_"Dammit Jade, this is why I have been trying to not talk about him. Everyone back home talks about him and Melissa and I just thought that maybe we could use a break from everything." He looks at you and you agree to drop the subject. "Now come on we aren't going to have any fun staying here in this booth all night. We are going to this awesome place my boy, Rick, told me about. But first you are going to get up there and sing!"_

_"I don't want to go to out anywhere and I am not singing. Can we just go back to my place and sleep?"_

_"That's all you do, isn't it. You just stay cooped up in that tiny apartment of yours crying over, Beck and Melissa. How are you ever going to feel better if you keep living in your misery? Even Beck goes outside to check the mail every once and a while."_

_"Fine." You say giving up. "I'll sing but you have to sing with me and we are not staying where ever we go next long. We both have rep's to maintain."_

_"Lets go then, snow white!" He pulls you out of the booth and onto stage. There is a line for the karaoke machine but André is set on you two singing tonight. In this time you ask him why he came to see you in the first place. "If Tori asks you I'm in Florida meeting up with a new band I am thinking about signing to the label."_

_"Why didn't you just tell her the truth?"_

_"Cause then she would have wanted to come up here and convince you that Beck was innocent and all that other shit. I just thought that you could use a friend and do something fun while you're up here. Everything back there is tense and stuff. Up here in New York, I feel free. I can see why you choose to run here."_

( )

When you wake up Chessa is still sleeping in your arms and the time is ten thirty-two. You figure that Chessa wont be going to day care today, seeing that she was suppose to be there an hour and a half ago. You wonder why Beck didn't come in and wake you up, telling you to get her ready for the day. In all honesty you are thinking about taking Chessa out of that expensive place. The only reason why Chessa attended in the first place was so Andre could fully focus on his work during the day and not be distracted. Tori objected because she wanted to be with her daughter twenty-four seven but she was starting to get into the swing of performing again and enrolled Chessa. Tori always hated it when Chessa would come home saying how she learned something new from one of her teachers and not from her mommy. Now Tori was gone and unable to teach her daughter anything. You owe it to her to be the best teacher Chessa has ever had. Sure she will go to school to get an education like everyone else, but you'll be the one preparing her for real life.

Isn't this what you wanted though, to be a mom (and for Beck to be a dad).

You crawl out of bed and out into the hallway leaving Chessa still sleeping. Last night you choose to sleep in your clothes because you didn't want to risk Chessa waking up in the middle of the night and seeing you in only a t-shirt (Beck's t-shirt) and underwear.

The guest room door is wide open and there is noise coming out of the room. You walked into the room seeing Beck lying down on the bed watching television. He looks dressed with his hair resting beneath his shoulders, and his injured leg propped up on pillows. He should really cut his hair, you think. It looks like it hasn't been cut since you left. It looks really sexy, long and all, but you miss is being right below his chin. He mutes the television when he sees you standing in the doorway.

"Hey." He smiles up at you. You weakly give him one back. He looks so happy this mourning after everything that has happened between you two yesterday. You assume that he thinks that everything is fine and back to normal. Even if he didn't cheat on you it doesn't change the fact that he told Melissa personal things about you and god knows what else. But you still feel guilty because he probably never came close to hurting you as bad as you hurt him( Tori and Chessa.) "Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come in?" He asks you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You move in to the room completely standing over the bed. "Why didn't you wake me or Chessa this mourning? She has daycare, remember?"

"I remember, but you two looked really tired so I let you guys sleep." He motions you to come sit next to him on the bed and you hesitate accepting his offer. Once on the bed he pulls you into his arms and holds you oh so close. His scent intoxicates you and you lean in to his touch. You forget everything that has happened the past couple of days and just enjoy his touch. He is warm against your cold skin and everything is calm around you. "Did you hear me?" He says snapping you out of it again. "I said that I think we should go to Tori and Andre's place."

You look up at him, moving out of his arms. "Why would we do that?" Your heart is racing a mile a minute. You don't want to go back to that house ever again. You don't want to see any thing that would remind you of your two best friends. It is already hard enough having to see both of them in the perfect mix, blended together in Chessa.

Beck doesn't look happy that you moved out of his arms and off the bed. "We have to do it for Chessa. Her whole childhood is there… and we can't take that away from her. She already lost her both parents."

"How are we going to do this then?" You sit back down on the bed but not back into Beck's arms.

He notices this and sits up on the bed to be leveled with you. "Are you uncomfortable or something, being around me? I didn't do anything Jade and you know that. Just… tell me what's wrong?" He asks while he runs a hand through his hair. For a second you think that this is it. You have to tell him about everything so it's all out in the open.

He deserves to know.

Right?

But what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Right?

"Its just that how do I know for sure that you didn't cheat on me, Beck. I mean I want to believe you, I really do. But with all that has been said over the past couple months… I just need time, okay? Now how are we going to do this whole Tori and Andre's house thing?" You decide to change the subject.

He thinks for a while before responding. "Umm… well they left us their house so I just figure we can live there with Chessa. Bring some of our stuff over there."

"What about this place? Would we sell it, or what?"

"Sell this place? I could never do that… too many memories to let go of. This will still be our house for a long, long time." You can't but smile at the memories part. He smiles most likely replaying all of them in his head.

"Then why don't we just move Chessa over here. We can pack up all of her stuff and redo her room here to make it like hers over there. We have a basement we can move all of her music stuff, toys, and other things into. We can't manage two houses."

"Jade, she lost both of her parents and for us to just up and move her out of where she is most comfortable is just wrong of us. We owe it to both Tori… and Andre to keep Chessa happy."

"How are we going to do it then?" You feel yourself getting angry, as your breathing gets intense. "You just said yourself that you don't plan on selling this place. So I don't know any other way." You cross your arms, waiting for him to come up with the answer.

" We will just have to live there. We'll turn this house into our vacation home or something. It's paid of so we have nothing to worry about and so is their house. We'll make it work, okay?"

"Fine." You grumble.

"We can go today if you want? I think we should so we don't waste anytime thinking on it."

"Okay, I'll go get Chessa ready and we can leave in an hour." You start to make your way to the door.

"I love you." He says right before you exit the room.

( )

You can't quite put your finger on it but something is different in here. The couch is still in the same place and there is still the picture of Tori, Andre, and Chessa, right after she was born hanging from the living room wall, but something seems off, almost like something is missing.

Oh yeah, Tori and Andre are missing.

You have only been here once by your self with Beck. It was when you were setting up for Tori's baby shower. It was a surprise party so André, Robbie, and Cat had to keep Tori busy all day while you and Beck spent over five hours transforming this place into a mother-to-be paradise. The look on Tori's face when she walked in here, belly round and swollen, was one you would never forget.

You move around the house even more, watching Chessa zoom pass you and down the hall into her original bedroom. She was more than excited when you told her that she was going home. Her face lit up similar to the way Tori's did on the day of her baby shower. But you had to explain to her that things were going to be different without Tori and Andre there with her. You had to explain to her that you and Beck were her family now but you weren't going to replace her mom and her dad. All she did was stare at you wide eyed and you knew that she was just too young to understand. She knows that Tori and Andre are gone but she doesn't fully understand the reason why they are gone. Even you don't know all the causes of the accident. All you know is that Andre and Tori were driving on the highway near Holly and David's after dropping Chessa off for the night, and then just like that Andre lost control of the car. But Andre was an amazing driver and it doesn't make sense on why he would lose control of the car.

Beck comes limping up behind you, wrapping his arms around you. That guilty feeling in the pit of your stomach starts to rise. Maybe its because you are in their house. Yeah that's it, you think. "Are you okay?" He mumbles in your ear and you lean into his touch.

"It's just being in here… it doesn't feel right." You reply. You take another look around their one story home again letting your eyes take everything in. Along with the picture of Tori, Andre, and Chessa on the walls, there are some of Cat and Robbie and Beck… but none of you and Beck. The last time you were here there was your wedding photo, a picture of you holding Chessa at the beach, and many more involving either you and Beck, or You Beck and Chessa, but you don't see any of those.

Beck doesn't seem to notice as he moves away from you and wobbles into the living room. "Come sit down." He says and you move over to sit down. "They left us this place because they wanted Chessa to grow up here and we have to do that for them. Don't worry everything will be fine. Chessa is so happy to be back here anyway." He lays down on the couch and rest his head in your lap looking up at you. "Do you remember the day of the baby shower and why it took us so long to set everything up?" You hit him on top of his chest, your cheeks reddening at the memory. "Hey what was that for?"

"Chessa is only down the hall, you idiot." You screech at him trying to sound mad.

"What? You don't want a three year old knowing that we had sex in her parent's room before she was born? Yeah, she'll be totally mad…. If she knew what sex was." He starts to laugh and you can't help but laugh too. You had to keep telling Andre to hold on and keep Tori out a little but later because things got sort-a…. messy, to say the least. "Thank you for not running away from me again, after the funeral. I missed this, Jade, and I don't want to lose you again. I know I fucked up by telling Melissa things I should't have but I swear nothing more happened than that and I just want you to know that I love you and all that shit you hear, it's nothing but talk. For now on its just me you and Chessa. No matter how much time it takes you, I will make you trust me again because I know that you still love me. "

Before you can respond your phone starts to vibrate in your pocket and you get up off the couch to answer it. "What do you need, Jeff?" You breathe in. You moved into the kitchen area to take the call. You look around the kitchen noticing that there isn't any food.

"Why were you at the hospital last night?" He asks you sounding angry. You can't believe that there was already a news story about you being at the hospital with Beck yesterday. You didn't even see the paparazzi out there like they were when you tried to leave your hotel.

"Beck's leg got cut open or something like tha,t and he had to go get it re-stitched." You continue to move around the kitchen finally coming to the conclusion that you will have to go shopping. That just adds more on to the lets-move-houses-for-our-niece list. You'll just do it today to make things easier on your self. You can only imagine what all of the tabloids are saying about your sudden trip to the hospital with Beck Oliver, the man you left because a slut lied.

"What happened to his leg?"

"I don't know he won't tell me. Look Jeff do you need anything important?" You ask not really wanting to stay on the phone any longer.

"Since you have to stay in LA now to play mommy for however long, you have to decide on what you want to do with your apartment in New York."

"Fuck." You mutter. "I guess I'll need to come up there and pack up everything."

"So I guess that you and Beck and making up?"

"Eventually." You sigh.

"Well I guess I'll be seeing you soon, Jade. Oh, and find out what happened to your husbands leg. I don't want another secret coming out about you two." He hangs up after that. Chessa comes into the kitchen right after and complains that she is hungry, which is perfect because you need to go shopping.

You plan on not having any more secrets…. Not coming out.

( )

You hate a lot of things and shopping is one of them, especially grocery shopping. You and Beck generally ate out at local café's or ordered take-out. But Tori had it set in her mind that a mother/wife had to cook for her family as much as she could. Whenever you and Beck weren't off filming, Sunday dinners were spent at the Harris residence. You would help cook sometimes. Beck and Tori always said that you were an excellent cook but you figured he was just saying that to be nice. You took a cooking class at Hollywood Arts once and you nailed the class, but cooking just wasn't your vibe.

You pushed Chessa through the isles of the local grocery store, throwing random shit into the cart. You told Beck that he needed to stay at Tori and Andre's place because the doctor told him he needed to rest the leg. The last thing you needed was for him to be wobbling behind you and Chessa, looking stupid. You figure that you should obey Jeff's wish and get Beck to tell you what happened to his leg. "Can you make me grilled cheese for dinner?" Chessa asks as you turn down the dairy isle, now picking up a pack of sliced cheese. "Mommy would always make me a grilled cheese." She sure does know how to hit you where it hurts.

"Of-course Chessa." You say smiling down at her. Your cart comes to a stop when you're half way down the isle. You look up and your heart freezes and falls to the pit of your stomach.

Chessa turns around in her seat to see who you are staring at. "Aunite Jadey, Look it's her… from the T.V.!" Chessa's face lights up at the sight of Melissa Ray standing in front of her.

Melissa Ray the girl who ruined your life. She looks so fucking perfect standing there with a small shopping ben in her hands. Her face is pulled into a tight-knit smile as she glares at you. "OMG! Hi Jade! How have you been?"

Bitch. Ass. Lying. Whore.

You want to curse so bad and tell her to get the fuck out of your way and for her to go fuck her self and die in a hole. But Chessa is with you and you don't want to say anything you will end up regretting. You take a second look at Melissa noticing that she is slightly bigger than before. "Can you move please?" Is all you say but she still blocks you from going any further. If this was high school, she would already be dead.

"Oh Jade, you should really learn how to be nicer, since were friends and all!"

You move closer to her, to where your lips are at her ear. "You call lying about sleeping with MY husband just to get money, a friendship, then yeah , we are best friends. Now stay the FUCK away from me and my family." You whisper in her ear.

"But Jade we are family or at least Chessa and I will be." Melissa puts her hand on her stomach and suddenly everything clicks. "Yeah see, while you were gone Beck and I continued our little affair as the magazines called it and guess what now he'll be a father. You know because you could never allow him to be one." She turns to Chessa. "Guess what Chessa, you are going to have a little cousin in a couple of months! Oh, and ill be having a baby shower in about two months and I really, really want you to come! Give this to Beck for me, he missed the last appointment cause of the funeral and all. I am sorry for your lost. Bye-Bye!" Just like that she is down the isle and every thing is back to the way it was.

Everything is one big fucking lie.

You stare down at the sonogram photo letting is wrinkle in your hands.

Feeling guilty is no longer in your stomach. You feel mad for doing that to Tori and ruining her marriage but Beck well he can go to hell alongside his future child and Melissa Ray.

( )

_"Just tell me this Jade, why did you do it?" Tori asks you through the phone._

_"I just I thought that maybe I could hurt him like he hurt me and I was drunk too, Tori." When she doesn't reply you continue. "I swear I never meant for any of this to happen its just that Beck he ruined everything we had and André he just made me forget everything for a while. But both of us regretted it afterwards, or at least I did. He might say that he loves me and every-thing , but I promise I don't love him and you know that. Just say you'll forgive me and that you-"_

_"Forgive you, Jade? I have put up with a ton of your shit these past couple of years and I am out of forgiving you. Beck didn't even cheat on you and you just did with her best friend. I don't care if it was still just a make-out session and a little foreplay, you still cheated on Beck and André… cheated on me. I hate you, Jade. Whenever things go wrong in your life you have to drag other people in it. You know what, I am just done with you. Don't call me, or André. You have already done enough damage." With that you hung up and more tears started to spill. You reach up into the cabinet and grab the vodka bottle. Might as well not remember any of this as well._

_( )_

* * *

I am going to do responses to reviews next chapter because I just saw the new Batman which means I just spent three hours in a theatre( but it was totally worth it!) so i am tired!

But please tell me all your thoughts on this chapter and what you think will happen next. Leave it all in a review:)

Follow me on twitter ( kendrakeeter).

Love,

Kendra!

sorry for any mistakes!


	7. Chapter 7

_You will pay for your sins, you'll be sorry my dear_

_All the lies, all the why's, will all be crystal clear-_

**P!nk**- Blow me one last Kiss

**Facing Reality**

**Ch. 7**

**( )**

**( )**

**( )**

You don't know how you ended up in the Vega's driveway but that's where you have been parked for the past thirty minutes. You think back to when you were in high school and how you would drive here -sometimes in the middle of the night- to ask Tori for advice. That's why you're here really; you want advice, and you want -need- it badly. You want the old comfort that her words would provide when she whispered, _"It's going to be okay, Jade." _But now she's gone forever and you'll never get that comfort you so badly ache for, ever again.

Its not like you two were on speaking terms anyway when she was here.

It wasn't the first fight you two shared, but it was definitely the worst. You had planned on apologizing but you were too much of a coward to ever call her back. You remember the glimpse of hope you got when your phone displayed her name calling you. That was going to be your chance to make everything right and become friends again. She, after all was all you had left. But instead of hearing her voice on the other line it was Holly, her mother telling you, _"There was an accident."_

Now your best friend is dead and your sitting in her parents drive way, slung over the steering wheel quietly sobbing. Chessa is in the back seat watching you. She doesn't know how to react to what is going on around her. You know that you should talk to her but you can't. You think to your self that a mother isn't supposed to act like this towards her kids. A mother is supposed to remain strong and positive at all times when in the presence of her children. But then again you can't _be_ a mother.

A mother is not you.

Suddenly you hear the passenger door open and then shut. You look up through your cloudy eyes to see David sitting in passenger seat. "Grandpa!" Chessa exclaims. It's the first word she has uttered since you two left the grocery store in a hurry.

"Hey, baby girl," David smiles as he turns slightly to look at his grandchild. "How about you run inside and go see grandma. I believe that she is baking cookies."

You see Chessa's eyes light up from the rear view mirror. She quickly unbuckles her seat belt and hops out of her car seat. She looks at you before exiting for conformation. It scares you that she is already treating you like a mother or at least beginning to. She shouldn't be because you're not her mother. Tori was her mom and still is. "You can go." You whisper, your voice sounding course and strained.

As soon as Chessa is inside the house, shutting the door behind her David turns to face you. You look down at your hands not wanting to talk to him. A part of you wishes that it were Holly who had come out here to talk to you. She reminded you so much of Tori it was crazy. It wasn't the way she looked but more of her personality and that she was somewhat easy to talk to like Tori was. "You do know that you have been parked out her for at least 30 minutes… And as much as we love you, we don't run a parking garage," David laughs somewhat at his intended joke, but stops when he realizes your not laughing along with him.

"Did you and Beck, I don't know, fight or something again?" David asks hesitantly. He has known you long enough to be afraid to approach you when you're upset. But you're not upset.

You're ruined.

Fucking ruined.

"Is that why you're here?" He speaks again. This time his voice is sturdy and tough. You figure that this is the voice that he uses when ever he is speaking to the criminals he picks up on the daily bases. The perks of being a cop, you guess.

"Jade, I am not leaving this car until you tell me what is wrong. I know that we've never really had a serious conversation before, but I would like to consider my self as sort of a father figure to you and I would hope you would think the same. Now tell me why you're in our driveway crying."

He must be able to get the truth out of all the criminals he picks up because you are opening your mouth ready to speak to him. "Everything is wrong. My best friend - your daughter- is gone and so is Andre. Not to mention the fact that I'm now forced to raise their child with a jackass who cheated on me with someone else and got her pregnant. I love Chessa, I really do… but I don't think I can do this… at least not with _him._" You rush all the words out and it feels somewhat better now that the bubble you created around yourself, filled with all your thoughts and emotions since your encounter with Melissa has been popped.

David doesn't talk for a while after that, soaking in all your words. "You know Jade, I went through the same thing. Not the whole spouse having a baby with someone else, but I was cheated on," He finally says.

You look towards him shocked. "You mean that-" he doesn't let you finish.

"Yes, Holly had an affair and just like you it was with somebody I worked with, my very own partner." You look at him with a strange look. You figure that Tori told him that Beck cheated on you with your co-star. But instead he says, "You're all famous so everything is in the papers. Plus I'm a cop, I find out about everything," He chuckles.

"You're lying." You say bluntly. You don't want him making up this ridiculous story just to connect to you better. " Holly would never cheat on you." You really do hope that he is lying but something in his posture and over all attitude telling you that he isn't.

"Just like you believed that Beck never would cheat on you," He mocks and you decide to stay silent. "I never saw it coming," He continues. "Actually when I look back on it I did see it coming. She would always smile differently when Gary was around and then she started to grow her hair out to the length it was when we were younger. And then one day her phone buzzed while I had it and it was Gary texting her about what an awesome time he had with her and that he couldn't wait to see her again. It was all just – just bullshit." David voices rises as well as his anger. You have never heard him curse before and it frightens you, but over all makes you feel sad for him.

All this time you thought that you were alone. Who would've thought…

"Anyways," He says now calm again. "It turns out that Holly had been sleeping with Gary for about half a year. I considered leaving her. I was just going to pack up my bags and move out. By the time I found out Trina had graduated and Tori was finishing up her senior year at Holly wood arts, so it wouldn't have impacted our family as much."

"What made you want to say?" You ask, the curiosity in your voice scaring you. You are still just shocked that Holly did this to David. They were a couple you looked up to. They were people that truly loved each other and supported each other. They made a decent living and had two very diverse children. You loved the way they remained so strong grieving the loss of their youngest and noticeably their favorite out of the two.

" I loved her and I still do. I couldn't let one mistake of hers ruin our life together. So we talked things out and she agreed to stop seeing Gary for good. She loves me, she just messed up that's all. It was a big mistake and I still get angry over it, but I forgave her and were moving past it."

"Tori never told me any of this." You whisper.

"It was apart of mine and Holly's agreement to keep it from them. I didn't want them looking at their mother differently. She was still a person and I didn't want them treating her like a monster." He sighs. He shifts in his seat and runs a hand through his curls. Beck comes rushing to your mind with this action. Sadly Melissa telling you she is having his child, rubbing it in your face earlier today joins in on your thoughts as well. You start to cry again and you hear David sigh once more.

"I get what your trying to tell me, but I'm… we're not you and Holly. We can't fix this and I'm done trying to-"

"But you never did try, Jade. All you did was run away the minute you found out. Running away never solves anything in life. If anything it makes things ten times worse than it actually it is. Beck messed up, but he still loves and I know you love him too. If you didn't you wouldn't be sitting here crying. "

You snap. "I did try!" You shout. "Me coming back here and actually deciding to stay was Me trying. And do you want to know what trying did? It hurt me even worse. I was staring to feel an once okay again with him. Hell, I started to believe him when he kept saying that he didn't sleep with her - that he didn't fuck her- while we were together. But now Melissa is pregnant with his child and him and I are suppose to raise another one together. So now he gets everything he ever wanted." You feel David grow tense again at your second outburst.

"We'll keep Chessa the rest of the afternoon." David slowly speaks in his cop- voice. And you stare down at your hands again avoiding whatever look he has on his face. " You need to go talk to Beck and sort things out. You might not stay together but you should at least resolve the problem. I don't care about anyone more in this situation than Chessa. My dau-ughter," He hesitates, losing the edge in his voice. And you wonder if her face just appeared in his mind like it just did in yours. "-And her husband trusted _both_ of you to take care of her and that's what you'll _both_ do. And like Holly and you agreed, if after six months this doesn't work out between you two you can run away again." He says the last part to stab at you and it does.

He steps out of the car and you look at your self in the rear view mirror. You don't look as bad as you thought you would but you can still tell that you have been crying and over all had a long stressful day. You re-adjust the mirror taking a deep breath and begin to back up out of the driveway.

But before you do, David knocks slightly at the passenger side window. You roll down the thin sheet of glass and he leans inside. "I want you and Beck back here by 6 sharp to pick up Chessa. When you guys come back I expect you and him to have an agreement.'' You have no choice but to listen to him. He is after all a cop and you don't want to do anything to piss him off.

But you decide to bite back anyway with saying, "But that's only an hour and a half from now."

"Drive fast."

Tori's determination in life could have only come from him.

**( )**

When you arrive at Tori and Andre's place he is outside waiting for you. You figure that he must have gotten worried since you've been gone for quite awhile. You pull out your phone from your purse to delay you getting out of the car. When you unlock the screen you see two missed calls from Beck as well a text message, which reads: _Is everything okay at the store? I hope you haven't gotten into any… trouble._

You delete the message and the missed calls and place the phone back in your purse. How can he act like everything is okay between you two? The way Melissa spoke about the baby implied that he knows about it. You want to start crying again and drive off. You're scared of David but you don't care anymore. Your hurting and being around Beck just makes the hurt grow even more. You start to form a plan in your head of what you could do to get out of this. You could go back to David and Holly's, pick up Chessa and have Jeff book you both a flight to New York ASAP. You could raise her in the city and be the mother that you always wanted to be. Or at least try to be. You have legal custody over her and even if Beck tries to take you to court because you both have custody over her you could just tell the judge about the family he has brewing here in L.A.

The family without you.

You are about to do it but then David telling you about the affair that almost ruined his marriage comes into your thoughts and you can't do this to him nor his Chessa. So with out knowing exactly what you're doing, you unbuckle your seat belt and slowly open the door and step out of the car. You look at the ground immediately. You don't want to look at him because you might start to see Melissa's and his baby. But you started to imagine it the minute you stepped out the store. "Hey." He sighs contently, snapping you out of your thought. When you look up, you realize that you are now standing on the porch steps in front of him. He is leaning up against the doorframe on his bad leg. You want to yell at him and tell him to get off of it but you could care less if he is hurting right now.

"Where's Chessa?" he asks. "I called you like twice and I texted is everything okay?" He rushes out all of his words and you just roll your eyes. You are going to be strong through this even though you're clearly not. You move inside the house and into the living room. He follows behind you, shutting the door, and you turn around in time to see him limping to the couch. He takes a hand and pats the spot on the sofa next to him wanting you to sit down next to him, but you remain standing. "So you're not talking… Jade, I thought we moved past all this or that we were starting to."

"You know, I believed you." You whisper but still say it loud enough for him to hear. He tries to talk but you continue, " I was so stupid because I thought you loved me. I mean you told me over and over again that you didn't do it and that you loved me and I was stupid enough to believe y-''

"Jade what are you talking about?"

"Let me finish!" You didn't mean to shout but you're so angry right now that you can't help it. Beck looks at you with eyes squinted but doesn't say anything else. You take a deep breath before starting again. "I loved you for such along time and you threw it all away for some… some whore! Do you want to know what hurts the most?" He sits up a little ready to answer but you don't give him the chance. "I thought that when it came out that you where fucking her… No wait I think that with what you two did it was called making love, right? I thought that it would've ended after I _ran away_ - as everyone likes to call my departure that. I thought that you would at least care about me enough to end it! What was it Beck? Huh? What made her just so _amazing_ that you had to go back for more? Did she make you-''

"Enough, Jade!" You didn't even notice that he is standing only inches away from you now. You move back but he grabs your arm making you stay right where you were. "Where did this come from?" He is breathing so hard causing you to lose all the confidence you just possessed. "What happened when you went to the store?"

You don't say anything but instead reach into your back pocket and pull out the sonogram photo. It had been burning a whole back there. He quickly snatches the photo and he stares at it blankly. "Melissa was at the store and she told me to give you this cause due to _my_ best friends funeral you were forced to miss the last appointment." You breathe out crossing your arms against your chest. You feel it rise as your breathing is just now as rapid as his. You wonder if this is the same way David confronted Holly. Beck wrinkles the photo in his hand and looks down to his feet. "You're pathetic," You say.

"It's not mine." He mutters barley audible but you still hear his words. Why is he still trying to deny it? "I can't believe that she actually did it." He says till in a hushed tone. He looks up at you and says, "Jade, I'm sorry. She said that she was pregnant but I didn't believe her because I mean… never mind. I swear Jade this isn't my child. Please stop crying and look at me."

You didn't even know that you were crying. A part of you wishes that the words out of Beck's mouth were, _"I swear I haven't talked to her at all since you left,"_ or, _"Everything that you just said is a completely lie Jade, I swear_." But he only denied the baby and nothing else. He lied to you over and over again and you believed him.

So stupid Jade… So fucking stupid.

"You lied to me!" You shout.

"I didn't lie, Jade! But-''

"But what?" Why should you even listen to what his excuse is? "Damn-it Beck, can't you just tell the truth! You cheated on me and now your getting what you want, okay? You can go play daddy with Melissa and just enjoy life. Just please stop lying to me," You look at him in his eyes and you see them flicker with anger.

"You just think your so fucking innocent, don't cha?!" He yells running a hand through his hair. "All I did was kiss her when you were gone! She was at this bar two months ago that I was at because I had lost all hope in what we had. I had come to the point that you were never coming back again and that we were done for good. I was drunk and I started to rant and I kissed her that's all! I did it because I was angry at you but I regretted it afterwards and I told her to leave me alone." You don't believe him. "I can't remember much after that but I know I didn't sleep with her. About two weeks before the -the accident she shows up here with a pregnancy test but I know I didn't sleep with her." He says every word so fast and filled with anger. He rubs his temples like he is trying to justify what he just said.

"I don't believe you!"

"But you did something way worse," He glares at you changing the subject and your heart drops. He can't know, you think. The only people that know are dead. You didn't tell him what happened with Andre. You remember him asking about New York while on the way to the hospital but it was never discussed again. "Oh what, you thought that I didn't know? You were ready to spread your legs quick… and for a married man too."

You gulp hard ignoring his glare. This wasn't supposed to happen this way. You try to think of what to say but you don't get a chance as he moves closer to you pushing you up against the wall.

Déjà vu.

"What you did Jade was horrible. I didn't even believe Tori when she came crying to me. I told her that there was no why in hell that Jade… my Jade would fuck around with Andre. There just had to be another answer. Then Tori said that she talked to you on the phone and you confessed and Tori, isn't one for lying. I don't even know why she became friends with you in the first place. You hurt her so many times Jade but she just kept forgiving you time after time after-''

"Beck," you say trying to move from around him, but it doesn't work.

It never has.

"No, August! It's my turn to finish what I have to say." He shouts and you stay put. He said your middle name so you know he's serious. "You even confessed the other night when you were drunk. And I acted like I didn't even know and that it wasn't killing me inside. Don't you know, Jade that you ruined them. You ruined me.'' He whispers the last part right in your ear to make it hurt. It does.

"What made you stop? Why didn't you just go all the way with him? You could've just been with him and really make me pay… Cause that's what you wanted, you wanted to make me pay. I understand making me suffer, but Tori?" You look at him to see that he is crying which just makes you cry even more.

He backs away from you and you move as far away as you can but staying in the room. You two don't speak for what seems like ages. You both just stand there crying not facing one another. When you pull out your phone you realize that it is six pm. "We have to go to David and Holly's to pick up Chessa," you whisper. "They also want to talk about how you and I are going to make this work for six months."

It takes a while for him to respond. It's almost like he didn't hear you. "So, were done now?" He asks and you can't tell weather he is saddened by the question or not. His voice is full of exhaustion and hurt.

You swallow hard before nodding your head up and down. You wipe your eyes of all the tears. You didn't expect it to be like this and by this you mean so blunt and fast-paced. Both of you have done so much damage toward one another and it's all out in the open now. The air feels thicker with the amount of tension surrounding you two and overall this house. Suddenly you can't breathe with everything caving in around you. Even though their dead, it feels like Tori and Andre are here as well being engulfed in the all the pain. You remind your self that its their house everything in here is pieces if them or what use to be.

"You should g-go to Holly and David's place now and I'll be there in soon," He says when he sees you nod your head. You leave the room at his last word going outside in a speed that you didn't know you had. You can breathe again and the air around you becomes thin again. You get in your car quickly and start it up. You look up before you leave and see Beck exiting out of the front door, locking up behind him. He walks to the curb and gets on his motorcycle that he rode up here on. Before he pulls off he turns his head back to look at you and you look away. When you hear the bike roar to life you look back and notice dents and scratches along the bike. Almost, as if the bike had been hit by something bigger than it. He pulls off before you do, the wind blowing in his hair and it scares you that he doesn't have a helmet or anything to protect him. But you two are over and whatever he does from now on doesn't matter to you.

Right?

Then you wonder if the bike being all messed up has anything to do with his leg. You lean your head forward onto the steering wheel, knowing that he is still keeping something from you. Then you remember that Jeff wants you to find out about his leg anyway, but you don't know if you can have another civilized conversation with him. You already know that being with him at Holly and David's is going to force you back into the atmosphere you just were in, one that you wish to escape from for good.

You wish you returned back to New York after the funeral like you had planned so you wouldn't have to deal with any of this because life down here, under the sunlight and Hollywood sign sucks. Husbands cheat, wife's cheat, others get knocked up and the real lucky ones as you would like to think are the ones like you who live in this city and experience all of the above.

You are definitely a lucky one.

* * *

**_A/N:_**

Long time no see. I hoped you guys enjoyed whatever this chapter was. I promise it won't stay all angsty for long. As always review and have a fun new year.

Follow me on twitter if you want to talk about the story, just talk, or fangirl together( I changed my name since my last update): Kendraramma_

Oh, I got one of those ask things so go ask me things Link is on my twitter

-Kendra.


	8. Chapter 8

_Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions_

_Oh, lets go back to the start- _

**Coldplay**- The scientist

**Facing Reality**

**Ch. 8**

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It's a rush being in the city again and you can't deny that you've missed it. The crowds of people surrounding you and Chessa is intense as you grasp her hand tight making sure that she wont get lost. You two just landed and the cab you took from the airport dropped you off a block away from your apartment in the middle of Times Square. When you two arrive to the tall building you lean down and pick Chessa up, placing her on your right hip. She giggles as you walk into the building strolling the one suitcase you packed for both of you behind you. She likes the city and you can tell.

You make it to the elevator quick hiding your face from anyone in the lobby. It's been a few weeks since you've been here and you don't want the annoying lady at the front desk asking you any questions. Once the elevator lands on your floor you place Chessa down and walk to the end of the hall unlocking the door to the place.

"Whoa," Chessa exclaims once you two are inside. You figure that she has ever been in an apartment and is very curious. "It's – it's so big, like my house. How can it be big like my house and be in a building?"

She follows you to the couch – the only piece of furniture you have in the living room – and takes a seat next to you. She jumps on your lap facing you and starts to play with your hair. "It is big isn't it?" You say looking around the place. You don't know why you bought the place so big but you still like it, even if it is halfway vacant. It was your place of comfort for so many months as you cried your eyes. "But it's not as big as your house," You reassure her.

"Are we going to stay here forever?" She asks with a smile on her face.

"No honey, we are just here for the weekend and then we are going back home." You wish that you could stay here forever with her. You're happy being back here with all the damage that was done in LA left behind. You are here just to pack this place up and put it back on the market.

"Why didn't uncle Becky come with us?" She leans down on your chest and rests her head on your shoulder.

You run a hand through her thick curls not saying anything. You and Beck both sat down with her that night at Holly and David's to explain the agreement you all worked out. Your staying at Tori and Andre's place while Beck stays at the house you two once shared. You get Chessa for two weeks and then Beck gets her for two weeks. You don't like the fact that she is living the life that you lived as a child. One week at moms the next week at dads. You and Beck are over and Chessa has to endure the consequences of all of your guys mistakes.

You hate it. Most of all you wish that you didn't have to stay in Tori and Andre's place. You feel as if you are betraying them by staying there being a mom to Chessa. Which is just what you're doing. But Beck stayed here and took care of your house so he gets to keep it. That's what David said and Holly agreed. But living in that house would be reliving all of the memories that come with it. You only have one intimate with him in their house and that one already messes you up so you sleep on the couch.

"He had to stay in LA," You finally say after a few minutes of silence. You remember how angry Beck got when you told him that you were planning on taking Chessa with you to New York. He thought that you were running away again and taking her with you. You had originally planned on using all of your two weeks to spend in the city as a mini vacation but didn't want to raise anymore thoughts about you running away. Every conversation you have had with Beck since that night you two ended things have been tense stuffed with anger. You two are still mad – hurting – at one another and you cant see it getting any better. The only time you two talk now is when you are trading off Chessa.

Being satisfied with your answer Chessa jumps off your lap and stands in front of you. You can tell that she doesn't want to stay in here the whole time of your trip. You two had just been stuck on the plane for hours and its now evening time here in New York."Do you want to know what we are doing today?" You say making something up on the spot. Her eyes light up with anticipation. You remember seeing that some popular kids band was playing at a theatre all weekend on the walk here and you tell Chessa that you are going to see them play tonight. When you tell her the name of the band, a smile spreads across her face and you sigh in relief.

You cut on the TV so the apartment isn't silent. Your heart drops and your fist go into tiny balls as you as see Melissa Ray's face on the screen. It's her dumb TV show that Chessa loves. You quickly change the channel before Chessa can see her face clearly. You don't win though because the channel up is E! News and you see both your face and Beck's plastered on the screen. Your eyes go wide as you hear the reporter speak. "Jade West has been spotted back In LA and is in some sort of custody battle with her soon to be ex husband, Beck Oliver." You sit up on the couch leaning in closer to the screen. "If you remember Beck Oliver, Hollywood's hottest and most popular leading man cheated on his wife Jade, another young movie star almost ten months back. The two split soon after, with Jade fleeing to New York but with the death of their mutual friends and music superstars Tori and Andre Harris, she is back in town."

You should turn off the TV and ignore the whole story but you cant. Chessa stays silent next to you watching the TV. You shouldn't be letting her see any of this but you continue to watch the TV. "The Harris's left custody of their three yr. old daughter to the ex-lovers in their will. But now that the two are spilt up the child is stuck in the middle. And now with new reports of Melissa Ray being pregnant with Beck Oliver's child we don't see this issue getting any better. Mrs. West must feel awful having to undergo all of this at once. We'll have more on this story next." Commercials start to play and you gulp down hard. You hate how everyone finds out everything about you and your life. You change the channel to some cartoon and Chessa gets back on the couch and watches silently.

You get up and move around the apartment remembering what the reporter said. You wouldn't call what your agreement with Beck a custody battle. It was far from it in fact. The only real battle was between you and him is revolving around what use to be. You still care about him and you know that he is also dying inside. But as you heard the last part of the reporter's statement you remember one of the main reasons there is a battle between you two. Melissa is pregnant. You want to believe that it's not his but you cant. You're done with lies.

Speaking of the devil your phone vibrates and you see that it's him. You answer after a couple rings. "Did you two make it?" he says in a hushed tone. You remember that you promised to call him when you landed.

"Yes," You say. You don't feel like talking to him after the story you just saw on you two.

"And you guys are coming back on Sunday right?" You roll your eyes at his question. You wish that everyone would stop thinking that you are going to run away again. Even Holly and David didn't want you going to New York. As long as Chessa's home is in Los Angeles yours will be too.

"Yes, our plane arrives back in the late afternoon," You hear him sigh on the other line.

"Then bye… I guess." You mumble a bye back but then he adds in, "Oh and I signed the papers – you know for the divorce –'' your breathing starts to increase again. You two haven't talked about that at all. You don't know why he is bringing it uup now. "And I had them mailed to the attorney who sent them to me months back. So you – we –" You think that he is trying to make you suffer by him being so strong about all of this. But you know that he's not. You know that he is broken inside. You would be too if you ignored the fact that your wife almost slept with another guy just to get her back. You still can't get over the fact that he did that.

"I have to go." You hang up quickly not wanting to hear whatever he was going to say. You check on Chessa to make sure that she is okay. Once you see that her eyes are glued to the TV and she is laughing aimlessly at what the ugly cartoon is doing you make your way into your bedroom.

It's big and spacious with the walls painted white. You have a queen size bed that is lamely straightened. You pull your laptop out of your suitcase and start to look for tickets for the concert. You find a pair for seven tonight that are in the front row of the theater. They aren't cheap but you buy them anyway with your credit card.

Your phone rings again and you pray that it isn't Beck. Luckily it is Jeff who is calling so you answer right away. "Come and open your door." He says and hangs up afterwards. You go to the door and let Jeff in.

"Who's that?" Chessa gets up from the couch and moves to where you and Jeff are standing at the door. You lean down to pick her up and place her on her hip. You do this a lot and you decide that you like it. It makes you feel closer to her in every way possible.

"Chessa, meet Jeff, he's my friend" You say and she smiles slightly at him flashing her tiny white teeth. Jeff raises his eyebrows at her and you shake your head. He can be so insensitive and overall a jackass. If he wasn't the best at what he does he wouldn't be your manager. "What are you doing here? I thought that you were coming tomorrow."

"I have a meeting tomorrow in Miami." Jeff walks further into the apartment and goes straight to the kitchen. He leans down to the fridge and pulls it open. You put Chessa back on the couch and tell her that you and Jeff must talk and that she should watch TV. She doesn't complain and you move into the kitchen where David is looking through all your cabinets. "How can you not have food in here Jade?"

"I always ordered take out and I haven't been here for weeks. Now what do you want to talk about?" You don't want to waist time talking to him. It's already five o'clock and the show starts at seven. You need time to get both your self and Chessa ready. You packed her a nice outfit and want to make her feel like she is a queen.

"You," He says bluntly making you roll your eyes. He sees your action and says, "You have to start working again Jade. If you don't start working again you're going to go broke very soon."

"I have plenty of money Jeff ," You say with a more than cocky tone.

"You're right – " you smirk at proving him right. But he then adds, " But now you have to take care of a kid and since you and Beck are over you are only getting money from one income. Kids aren't cheap." Your smirk disappears as his words sink in.

He is right. With Beck and yours income combined you had enough money to provide for ten people. But the majority of it came from him because he always did the over the top projects that paid a ridiculous amount. You haven't worked since the film with Melissa and that was nearly a year ago. It isn't expected to be release anytime soon either. You know that you're considered a ghost now in Hollywood.

Your corrupt marriage is the only thing that is keeping you afloat in people thoughts.

"Plus I saw an editorial on you, Beck, and that girl he so called cheated with and it was not good. We have to show the world that you are still Jade West – that you are still on top when it comes to young Hollywood."

"I don't know Jeff – "

"I already booked you a roll."

You give him a look that can kill. "Why would you do that?" You yell and then realize that Chessa is only a few yards away so you speak in a whisper. "I have that little girl in there to think about now. I can't be flying away to film for god knows how many months. Beck and I have an agreement about who watches her when and I told you that when I told you I was coming up here." You are whisper yelling at him and he just rolls his eyes.

"I know all this Jade. The filming is in LA and wont be no more than three months top. It's my job to do this so that's what I'm doing. You start production in two weeks."

"Jeff – '' You try to say but he cuts you off.

"Jade when you hired me what did you tell me?" He asks getting closer to you. You him up and down. He is wearing jeans that are way too tight and a black v-neck. His shaggy dark brown hair hangs above his eyes. Jeff is nearly forty you think and he still dresses like a hormonal teenage boy. When you don't answer he says, "You told me that you never wanted to get black balled ever! If you back out of this Jade you are done for."

"The last film I did ruined my marriage!" You didn't meant to shout but you do and you look to where Chessa is. She is sitting up on the couch facing you and Jeff in the kitchen. Her face is sad and you tell her that everything is okay and she slowly turns back to the TV.

Jeff then whisper's, "I know that Jade, but you have to move past all of that. It's in the past and you have to deal with it. I'll give you a week to think about it and when you have your answer, call me." He then makes his way to the front door. Before he leaves he asks, "Did you ever find out what happened to Beck's leg?"

You haven't thought about Beck's leg at all. You don't want to ask because you don't want to find out another thing that will hurt you. "Find out Jade. I need to be ready just incase the media turns it into something else. Beck getting that girl pregnant is already going to damage you." With that he is gone.

You're not going to think about anything dealing with your profession, your reputation, or Beck's leg. You move to the couch and sit next to Chessa. She looks up at you and you see that she looks sad. "What's wrong?" You ask.

"You two were fighting like mommy and dad did." Your heart drops and you pull her close to you. You hate that you are the cause of her parents fighting and you feel terrible inside.

"We weren't fighting, sweetie. We were just having a talk. I promise we weren't fighting like your mom and dad did." You hate lying to her because Tori hated lying to her.

"Do you promise?" she says in such a sad tone. You have to lighten things up because this is tearing you up inside. So you lean down close and tickle Chessa all over making her burst out on giggles.

After a minute or two of this you say, "I promise."

( )

_You don't know how it happened but you really don't care. The amount of alcohol might have a major role to your current position but all you can think about is the way he is making you feel. Andre is holding your hand in the back of the cab on the way to your apartment and it just feels so damn warm against your cold hand . You aren't even paying attention when the cab driver kicks you two out right in front of your building. Andre tugs at your hand and drags you out of the yellow cab. You are laughing for some reason as you walk into the building. _

_The party you two just came from is all your thinking about as Andre pulls you all in the way of the elevators. The music was loud and you two just danced amongst the others. For once since you left LA you were Jade West the young, free, and power full and not Jade West the actress who got her heart broken. Shot after shot you felt as if the shackles were being unlocked. _

_You. Were. Free._

_Only a small hand of people, were at the party too but it felt like a huge crowd was moving with you as Andre twirled you around. _

"_Jade?" Andre asks snapping you out of your thoughts. You two are now in front of your place and he is waiting on you to unlock the door. After a few failed attempts of trying to fit the key into the hole, Andre snatches it from you and puts it in the key hole perfectly unlocking the door and letting you two in. _

_You stumble all the way to the couch and fall flat on your back looking up at the ceiling. Your thoughts start to scramble everyone at once for some reason and Beck comes to mind. You wonder if he's okay and if he's thinking about you. He hasn't called or texted you in a week. Even though you weren't responding to any of them it gave you a since of security. You sit up quickly wanting to rid him of your thoughts. He is the reason you cry so much at night and why you hate your self. You hate yourself because you believe that the main reason he cheated was because you couldn't give him what he wanted. What you both wanted._

"_Lets dance," You say getting off the couch and walking over to Andre who is standing in the kitchen area. You have to feel the way you did again at the party. You have to feel free. He's staring at you with such intensity that it scares you for a moment. You think it's because you looked like an idiot lying on the couch thinking about Beck. You don't want to look weak in front of him so you repeat, "Lets dance."_

_You're drunk and are going to enjoy it. You probably wont remember any of this in the morning anyway. _

"_We just spent the past two hours dancing. You're drunk Jade and need to sleep." It sounds more as if he is talking to himself but you ignore it._

"_You're drank too!" You whine. _

"_Not as much as you did so you need to go to sleep." He moves close to you taking your hand as he did in the cab and starts to lead you to your bedroom. Once inside you say, "Just one dance…. Please?" You move over to tiny radio you have in here and turn it on. A slow steady song is playing and you start to dance around him. You twirl and shake your head allowing your hair to fall freely down your back, but Andre just stands there looking at you. Finally he catches you in the middle of a twirl and pulls you to his chest. _

_You smile at his surrender and move along the room with him. Dancing works keeping your mind free and you start to get tired as the song comes an end. Andre doesn't start spinning you around the room but does slow down his pace as the next song starts to play. It's slower than the last one and then you realize it's a love song. _

_A sad bittersweet love song about a guy who broke his girls heart and is suffering the consequences. _

_Your mind starts to get locked down again with thoughts of Beck so you lean your head down on Andre's wide chest. You blink down the tears that start to form and hold on tighter to Andre. "You're beautiful," you think he says and then he is leaning down and kissing you._

_You don't think as you kiss him back. All you are focusing on is the way this kiss is making you feel; and it's making you feel pretty good. You haven't been touched in months and you need this. You deserve this. Beck ruined everything you two had for some whore and he needs to feel the same way you do. Or at least you need to experience the same things he did when he was with her. You remember what Andre said about why Beck could have cheated on you. You had only been with each other – before he ruined everything – and neither of you knew what else was out there. What else could make you feel appreciated and wanted. And right now you feel both of those things. You follow Andre back onto the bed and you laugh when you two fall on the mattress. You quickly place your lips back on his so the feeling doesn't fade. Before you know it his hands are everywhere and his lips are attached to your neck. Soon after his shirt is shed and things start to feel really good. More items are shed and the feeling starts to spread all over. You're about to let go and experience what else is out there._

_Then his face is in your mind and so is hers. Beck's is just sad and heartbroken so you shake it off. _

_He deserves this… remember? _

_But when Tori's face appears it is filled with so much hurt and betrayal. "Why are you crying?" Andre asks snapping you out of your thoughts. Suddenly you realize that what your doing is more than just a sexual feeling you need to erase all the bad things that have happened in your life. You are cheating and doing it with your best friends husband. This makes you no better than Beck and you start to feel sick. You start to cry harder and Andre moves off the bed. "Are you okay?" he says but you ignore him. You curl up into a little ball and shake violently. _

_You are hurting your best friend and screwing up your life even more. Your head starts to pound and then you feel Andre holding you against his chest. You should kick him out but you turn into his chest and continue to cry. You hear him say over and over that he is sorry. You just cry and cry until you fall asleep. Tori's hurt and betrayed face wishing you sweet dreams._

( )

Chessa awakes you by jumping on your abdomen laughing, and you groan as she adds pressure on your chest. She isn't as light as she was when she was a baby. You flutter your eyes open and see her smiling brightly at you. You are surprised to see that she is up on her own. The kid's show you took her two last night was the exact thing she needed. She laughed at all their corny jokes and danced in her seat. You were beyond annoyed but put on your best acting skills and pretend to have as much fun as she did. You saw both her parents in her as she sang along to all their songs as well. You are glad that they made her so musically talented as a child. But you did hate it when the kids in the theatre demanded three encores. You didn't get out of that place until ten o'clock. Afterwards Chessa was wide-awake and hungry. You found a 24 hour diner and you two ate pancakes. You hated your self for letting her stay up way late but the smile that stayed on her face the whole night was worth it. It's your last day in the city and you have to pack up this place.

You get Chessa Showered and dressed first before getting ready yourself. You have Chessa help you go through all the things in the apartment and when you two are going through your dresser she pulls out a circular shiny gold object. "What is this?" She asks holding the object up to your face. You realize that it's your wedding band. It has been tucked in that drawer since you first got here.

"It's a ring." You reply simply taking the ring from her hand. Holding it again feels weird and you slide it on to your ring finger. It still fits. You quickly slide it back off and contemplate what to do with it. It's something that is important to you still no matter what has happened. You make sure to pack it back in your suitcase and continue to pack.

( )

"_Babe you don't regret anything that has happened, do you?" You ask looking up at Beck. You two are sitting on the deck in your backyard over looking in the ocean. He pulls you tighter to his chest and rest his chin on top of your forehead. _

"_What do you mean?" He replies back. You sit up full in the lawn chair you two are sharing. _

_You gulp down hard before answering. "Do you regret anything with… me. We just went through something horrific and I – '' He cuts you off with a kiss. You wanted to finish what you were saying because the thoughts in your head are killing you. You just experienced your first ever miscarriage and you feel so depressed inside. The doctor said that it would be okay and that most couples that are trying go through this and that you and Beck could try again. But, thoughts of what could have been and what you can lose again is stopping you._

"_Jade I haven't regretted anything ever since I met you." You roll your eyes at his sappiness. "I made a promise to you that I would stick with you through anything and that is exactly what I'm going to do." He picks up your hand and holds it close to his face. "This ring represents that promise and I swear to keep it forever. I Love you." You lean in closer to his chest enjoying his warmth. "I know that what we just went through was tough but we'll make it through it. We always do." He leans down to kiss you and things get heated fast._

"_Can we try again?" You ask him with a childlike manner. You want him – need him – so bad right now. He is the only thing that makes you feel safe and happy. He answers you with a kiss and carries you inside. _

( )

Before you board your plane at the airport your phone starts to ring. You pull it out of your pocket slowly, making sure not to wake Chessa who is sleeping on your lap. You two are seated in the terminal at five o'clock in the morning. You have a long flight a head of you and plan to rest. You are going to miss New York but it's for the best. You have to go back for Chessa and to jump start your career again.

"Cat, it's like 2 am in LA. Why are you calling me," you whisper into the phone. You are beyond annoyed right now.

"Jade!" She screams into the phone. "I need you to come to the hospital."

You sit up in your chair at her words. "I can't come to the hospital Cat I'm in New York about to board a plane back to California. Why do I need-" She cuts you off.

"My water just broke and I know that you know all about this kind of stuff. So when you get here please come to the hospital near my house." You can't respond because she has hung up.

That jealously towards Cat starts to creep back into your veins at the thought of her about to give birth in a few hours.

You wish it were you.

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A/N:

Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter guys. But I have realized that I have been getting less and less reviews each chapter. I don't want to sound whiney but It makes me feel that you guys don't like the story anymore. So for the next chapter please leave a Review. Next chapter will come at a magic number ;).

Follow me on twitter ( Kendraramma_)

Ask me things, too /kendraramma :)


	9. Chapter 9

_Oh, no, I see_

_A spider web, and it's me in the middle _

**Coldplay**- Trouble

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**Facing Reality**

**Ch. 9**

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_For Marlyn and Brittney._

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You figure that the world hates you, that every living and breathing thing on this earth hates you. Here you are standing in a small, condensed hospital room watching your dream take place right in front of your eyes. What makes this situation worst is that Beck is here too. Both of you are faking smiles and pretending that this isn't awkward but mainly pretending that this isn't the tiny-bit painful.

Your already tired and cranky from your long flight back. The minute you landed Beck was there to pick you and Chessa up. He too had received a stressed out call early in the morning from Robbie meaning that both of you were headed towards the hospital. Thanks to this, Chessa was dropped off at Holly and David's house. You hate that you had to be there for Cat because it takes away from the last day you had with Chessa for the next two weeks. You also hate it because she seems to end up there a lot. You're her guardian (as well as Beck) so you should be the one to take care of her at all times even when your life gets more than a little stressful.

So for the remainder of your day you spent your time in a crowded waiting room sitting next to your now ex-husband. Neither or you talked except when a panicked Robbie came rushing out every ten minutes to ask questions about what Cat should do and how she should be feeling. You answered most of them because after all you are an expert on the subject. You have been ever since Tori found out she was pregnant with Chessa. Being her friend – best friend – you needed to be the one she could come to if she needed answers to the million of questions that ran through her young and scared mind.

( )

"_It said five minutes," Tori say's in a panic. "Has it been five minutes?" She has been pacing the bathroom floor of your new house like crazy. You're sitting on the cool tile floor still in awe that you and Beck could afford a place like this. It's wide and spacious and keeps your guys' privacy all while being located on the beach. You love your job and that doing what you love has gotten you this. _

"_Tori, you pissed on the damn thing exactly one minute ago," You reply looking down at the timer you had set on your Pear Phone. "Just relax, okay."_

"_How can I relax Jade?!" she yells back. If she wasn't such a nervous wreck you would've snapped back at her. But you two are friends now. _

_You pull you phone out from your lap to check the timer. Hitting the home button your lock screen appears and you cant help the smile that appears on your face when you see the picture that's there. Its an old one, a selfie you and Beck took of you both smiling in your old crappy apartment covered in your dingy white sheets, lying on your bed. He had just proposed to you and in light of you saying yes, both of you wanted to celebrate. An hour or so later you ended up exhausted and happy lying in his arms. He said over and over again that he needed a picture to remember the day. _

_That day that you officially became his. You feel your smile grow even more._

_Typing in your pass code the phone unlocks showing the timer. "Tori you only have a minute or so less so please just calm down. I don't need you passing out before the results show up."_

_She grabs the still blank test in her hand and sets it between you and her and joins you on the floor. "I'm scared out my mind Jade." She admits to you. "I'm so young, and so is Andre. I mean he is just now starting to get accomplished in life and the last thing he needs is a kid and a wife at home limiting him."_

"_But he loves you and he's talked about having a family ever since I can remember. Trust me, if you are pregnant it's going to be for the best. You guys can live a perfect life," You tell her which puts a slight smile on her face._

"_Your right. Whatever happens is meant to be," She sighs then says, "You and Beck have been married for a while now and you guys have a lot of sex –"_

"_We do not," you say quickly cutting her off with a lie. _

"_Oh, don't lie to me Jade. I feel gross just being in this house because who knows what you two have done in it yet. This bathroom alone can be filled with nothing but – "_

"_Get to your point," you say blushing. You guys broke in the bathroom last week and it was amazing._

"_Well, do you two have any plans to start a family?"_

"_That is the last thing on our mind. We have filming and we just got this place, which wasn't cheap. We wouldn't have time to raise some snotty nose kid," you pause to look down at the test lying between you guys and smile. "But you better make time cause the thing turned pink." _

_You remember the shock and joy that was plastered on her face. You'll never forget it. _

( )

You don't even remember leaving Cat's hospital room but you find yourself walking alone in an abandoned hall of the hospital. You feel sick to stomach because you couldn't take the sweetness and joy of the moment. Cat gave birth to a boy and you fucking hate that. You especially hate that her and Robbie thought that it would be memorable to name him after Tori and Andre.

Troy Andrew Shapiro. Weighing in at 7lbs and 6 oz.

You fucking hate it.

Everything you've wanted for so long was lying in the hands of Cat and Robbie. You tried to have a baby and you tried for so long. They didn't try one bit and just magically Cat was pregnant.

"Jade?" You keep walking down the hallway upon hearing your name.

You don't want to talk to him.

"Jade, wait!" He calls after you again so you pick up your pace. Suddenly you feel your arm being pulled and you're face to face with him. "Why did you leave?" he asks, releasing your arm but still angles you so that you cant go anywhere. You get a chance to look him dead in the face. He looks tired and stressed.

His hair rests past his shoulders now and he hasn't really shaven since the last time you saw him. Bags gather under his brown eyes and your thoughts go to the day you fought with him at the burial. The only difference from now and then is that he's sober and not calling you a selfish bitch for leaving him so many months ago.

You cant help but wonder now if he was yelling at you because you left or because of you and Andre.

You figure both.

You ask him to move but he instead stands there waiting for you to answer his original question. Shaking your head you look down at the tile floor that is the same pale color of the ugly hospital walls. He should know why you left. He should remember how depressed you were when you found out Cat was pregnant and that it happened un-planned.

"I know that it hurts, but that doesn't mean you cant be the littlest bit happy for Cat and Robbie."

"Just get away from me," You reply.

"You must think that I don't feel hurt or betrayed either. You think that you are the only one who has ever been hurt in the course of our entire relationship. Hell, not just our relationship but with anyone you have ever gotten into a fight with. It's not all about you, Jade!"

"Bullshit."

"They were going to be my kids too." He whispers barley loud enough for you to hear. But you do hear and like everything else that comes out of his mouth it cuts you deep. The 8 words finally make you realize that he is right. They were going to be his kids as well. You figured that since it was your body that went through the multiple miscarriages that it was you who could only feel the depression that still lurks inside of you today.

"I know that." You manage to say back.

"Do you really know that?" He asks you. "You don't know how bad I want to just get out of this hospital or better yet go back in time and try everything that I can to make it be me and you in Cat and Rob's position." You catch the small smile that creeps up on the corner of his mouth when he says the last part.

You bite your lip as the silence that over takes the pervious conversation makes you feel awkward. Beck can feel it too so he steps back away from you finally giving you your space back. For some reason you liked it better when he was that close to you.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" He asks after a few minutes of silence go by. When you don't respond right away he adds in, "So we can just clear our heads and stuff. We can still be friends, Jade.''

You nod your head and follow next to him down the rest of the hall.

( )

"Do you want to know what this day reminds me of," Beck asks you randomly. You've been walking alongside him for about ten minutes now and neither of you have muttered a word.

It's been very awkward.

"What?" You reply while looking down at your shoes. You don't want to look him in the face. Its over dramatic you know, but the only thought that has been running through your mind since you started this walk was what your child would've looked like if it was born on today. Your child that was going to be part you, and part Beck.

" The day Chessa was born. How crazy everything was for all of us." You smile at the memory of Chessa's birth because it was in-fact crazy. "That's one of my favorite days ever spent with you."

The last sentence takes your focus off your shoes and forces you to look up at him. You don't even notice that both of you have stopped walking and have come to the end of another abandoned hallway in this humongous hospital.

He stares back at you and you know that he is replaying the memory of Chessa's birth in his head. Or maybe he is imagining what facial features of yours would've showed up on the baby.

Dammit, Jade.

You need to stop this.

He's your EX-husband now, remember?

He must've taken your silence as you being angry for him bringing up the past, so he remains quite and looks away from you. But then suddenly he turns his head back to face you and there is this look in his eye that tells you he's about say something you won't want to hear. "That day, Jade –that amazing day – it showed me that you and I were meant to be together," He pauses after that and then changes the subject.

"This thing that is going on between us isn't right." He steps closer to you making you hold your breath. But you won't look away from him. "We shouldn't be divorced, Jade. Especially over some a stupid goddamn lie!" His tone is scary and you look down back at your shoes. " Don't avoid this Jade." He places a strong grip on your chin forcing you to look back up at him. You're scared of him in this moment. He's been holding this in all day you can tell. You just want to go home and get away from him. You two are done for and you both need to finally realize it.

"We are not done for, Jade and you know it." You curse your self mentally for saying that aloud. His hand is still on your chin and your breathing grows rapid. You want to leave this hospital and escape from him for good. You already gave him a turn to talk and tell you the truth about Mellissa but he still lied. How can you know that he isn't lying to you right now, that he hasn't been lying to you all along from the very start?

"We _are_ done, Beck! You and I aren't meant to be and we have both clearly proven that! For Christ-sake you got another girl pregnant and lied to me about it! I started to forgive you after the funeral and you still didn't tell me the whole truth!"

"It's really sad that you've managed to lie to yourself, Jade. I know that you know that Mellissa is nothing but an attention-seeking whore, who just used us as apart of her scheme to become more famous and get more money. If that bitch is pregnant, it's sure as hell not mine and there was never a chance that it could be mine. I know that you know that, Jade. I just want to know why you're so scared to admit that you love me still and that you know I love you too."

It comes quick when his lips crash down on yours. How could you go from not speaking to friends to_ this_. He kisses you with all he has and it amazing. It shows you that he was right.

You're kissing him.

You're believing him.

He never cheated on you. He loves you. And you finally come to realize that you've known it all along. So you decide to kiss him back and for once in a long time you let the feelings for him that you've kept tucked away for almost a year now escape and come free.

"I shouldn't have signed those damn divorce papers," Beck sighs out breaking your kiss and resting his forehead against yours.

"Why did you?"

"Because, I thought that giving you all you wanted would make you realize what you really needed. We can make this work, Jade."

"But –"

"No, don't over think this. I've forgiven you for leaving me and for all the things you did in New York," He whispers the last part. "So I need you to say out loud that you forgive me too, even if everything was a lie. I need you to say that Mellissa Ray was nothing _but_ a liar and turned you against me. Please, just say it."

You manage to say it and it scares you how truthful it all sounds. Once your done he leans back down to kiss you again. He manages to slip his tongue into your mouth to deepen the kiss. You feel elevated with all the stress of today being lifted off your shoulders. The kiss gets so intense that you find yourself running your hands through his hair and – oh how you've been a complete fool for letting all of this go!

"I'm sorry." You utter breaking away from the kiss. You couldn't control your thoughts from going back to New York and what you did to him and to Tori and Andre.

"Lets not talk about it."

"No, we have too. I'm sorry for everything I did in New York with Andre and for hurting you. Just now, with me finally coming to realize that you're innocent and have been the whole time, makes me feel even worse for what I did to you and what I did to Tori and Andre's marriage. Sometimes I think that if I would've believed you from the beginning and stayed here in LA, that maybe they wouldn't have gotten in to that stupid car. Its practically my fault that they're dead, Beck! It's my fault that Chessa no longer has a mom or dad! Its all my fault!" You don't even realize your crying until Beck has wrapped his arms around you in a hug. He squeezes you tightly and rubs your back soothingly.

"It's not you fault Jade, okay. That is one thing that is and will never be your fault." His tone is so serious and he doesn't give you any chance to respond. He leans down to kiss you again. Its sweeter than before and its almost as if he's feeling your pain at the moment. The tenderness doesn't last long as he deepens the kiss making you feel on cloud 9 again. It stays that way for a while the back and forth, and the fighting of your tongues. For the second time today you come to realize that this man truly loves you and that he would never ever hurt you. There is no more trying to deny it. He is yours and you are his even if you two are divorced now.

Beck&Jade seem to always make it through in the end. Always.

"Come home with me." He says out of breath but still leans down to kiss you on your neck, making you moan. You can't think as he nips quietly at your skin but you think that you reply with an okay.

( )

"_Do you think that it worked?" Beck asks rolling off top of you. You are both panting hard and loud trying your best to catch your breath. It takes you awhile to respond because your body is still recovering. You don't know how he manages to take you to that moon and back each time you two have sex. It was more special this time though because it was more than just for the pleasure it was to add on to your family. To come together as one and make something – someone – human. One half Beck and the other half you. _

"_Are you kidding me? It had to have worked. You were amazing." You turn on your side to face him and smile. His hair is a mess, his skin is sweaty and overall he looks beautiful to you. _

_Turning to face you he eyes meet yours as you were still staring at him. "What?" he asks, a grin pulling on the sides of his mouth. You don't answer, as your smile grows wider. " Tell me why you're so happy?" He leans forward and kisses your neck and you bite your lip. He continues to ask why you're so happy in between kisses. After what seems like forever he breaks away from your body and stares into your eyes. "Damn," He whispers. " For you to be this happy after sex means that my moves have gotten amazing. I knew that you would like it if we tried something new." _

_You laugh at loud to his statement. "I'm happy because of two things." You say in between laughs. _

"_So it wasn't just my moves?"_

"_No, it was your definitely moves," You say causing the past 40 minutes to replay in your head. Snapping out of it you add in, "and just now when I was staring at you I couldn't help but imagine what this sucker is going to look like when he or she finally arrives."_

_Beck smiles and pulls you under his arm drawing you closer. You rest your head on his bare smooth chest and start to trace patterns going up and down his stomach. "You know that sometimes it doesn't work on the first try, Jade," He says seriously. You swallow hard for it is the first time you ever thought about it not working._

"_You're right, it is our first time and it might not work, and if doesn't work this time it just means we can more nights like this until it does. But I just have feeling that worked. Again, babe, you were amazing."_

"_You weren't so bad yourself." You playfully slap his chest. "I'm kidding," He says gripping your chin causing you to look up at him and you find your-self imagining again. " Jadelyn August Oliver, you, my lovely wife, you're a sex goddess." You can't resist kissing him and he leans so deep into you that it leads to a round two. _

_A sexy, beautiful, wild, sweaty, and even more amazing and hot round two.  
_

( )

Beck Oliver knows his way around your body. You figured that after almost an entire year that your body would be foreign to him. Especially after it was touched by his dead best friend. But luckily it's not like that at all. It's as if you two were never separated for so long. He manages to make you feel fantastic and it's beautiful because he focus on making you feel good and special and loved.

He makes you feel complete and who knew that having sex with your ex-husband could be so fucking fantastic.

Beck Oliver is Fucking Fantastic.

Making love with Beck Oliver is fucking fantastic.

You love that you can call it that again, making love. You two were always so good at it in the past.

"I love you so much, Jade," Beck whispers in your ear. His bare chest rises and falls against yours. You whisper the same three words back and bring his head down close enough for your lips to meet. Somewhere in the back of your mind it scares you that you've fallen back into the same pattern with him.

But then you figure that there is no need to be scared. The two of you had only been divorced for a couple of days.

He rolls off top of you and gets out of the bed. You lean up wrapping the sweaty sheets around your naked body, "where are you going?" You ask.

"To the bathroom," He chuckles. Before going into the bathroom that is located in the room he leans down over the bed to kiss you. "I love you so much," He says and then exits into the bathroom shutting the door behind him.

You love being in this house again.

You hear the showerhead turn on and consider joining him. But you're already too tired. It's been a long day when you look back on it. You woke up expecting to just to drop off Chessa here at Beck's (is it considered your house again now?) and go back to Tori and Andre's to feel sorry for your self. Even though the jealously for Cat is still there in the bottom pit of your stomach you cant help but thank her for giving birth to her son on today. If not you would've probably never had that life-changing talk with Beck. You are also glad for Tori's parents who are like parents to you for agreeing to keep Chessa over night. But tomorrow you were going to pick her up and start to be the mother that Tori trusted you to be to her. This is just the beginning of a brand new start for you.

No more secrets.

No more lies.

To pass the time of Beck's never ending shower you turn on the TV. You flip through the channels until you hear Mellissa's name and face appear on screen. It's the E! News channel and you cant turn the channel. "This just in on the highly publicized star. The young actress who had come out saying she was pregnant with Beck Oliver's love-child is not pregnant and never was. The story broke this morning when the star was caught stuffing a baby bump up her shirt in a dressing room. Mellissa has caused many problems in the now divorced Beck Oliver and Jade West. Now reports are saying that it was just a stunt pulled by Mrs. Ray to seek a big check from the big name magazine that first broke the cheating scandal a little over a year ago…" You tune out after that laughing to your self. Today on the birth of Troy Andrew Shapiro your messy life has started to clean its self up. "But that isn't our only big story of the day! It has been a little over a month and a half since the death of Tori and Andre Harris. The two died in a mysterious car crash leaving behind their three year old daughter Chessa Harris," This makes you tune back in. "Now as we first reported when the couple first died that it was due to Andre losing control of the car, well today we have new details from witness that the Harris' car was hit head on by none other than – get this – Beck Oliver!"

What?

"That's right ladies and gentlemen Beck Oliver was driving at top speeds under the influence of alcohol on his newly bought motorcycle. Reports say that Mr. Oliver worked hard with his publicist to keep the whole thing one huge secret. Beck was seriously hurt in the accident; witness at a local LA hospital say they saw him the night of the accident with what is believed to be a huge gash in his leg. We don't know if it was just a drunken night gone wrong or if it was intentional but If we here at E! were in his position we would want to keep the whole thing a secret to. Coming up…"

You start to cry. You start to cry and cry. You thought that it was over that the hard part in your life was over. There was suppose to be no more secrets and no more lies. How could you be so stupid to trust him again? How could you let him be inside of you again? You thought that it was your fault and when you admitted that to him he still didn't say anything.

Suddenly you hate everything that has happened in the past day.

You hate that Cat could give birth and you cant.

You hate that Cat and Robbie named their beautiful baby boy after Tori and Andre.

You hate yourself for being so fucking stupid.

How could you be so stupid?

It had all been in plain sight for you. The motorcycle that sits in the garage of this house and Beck's leg. The same leg that you got too distracted to ask about.

"Baby, why are you crying?" You didn't even notice him come out of the bathroom. He's naked and wet in front of you and you want to do no more than throw up. You just slept with the man who ended your two best-friends lives and then lied about the whole thing.

"Jade, please Baby, talk to me, look at me, do something," He pleads and the sickening feel in your stomach grows.

You can't do anything. All you can do is cry because reality has just hit you and it has hit you hard.

( )

"_Jade?" the voice on the phone is shaky and unstable but you still manage to recognize it as Mr. Vega's voice. Its two thirty in the morning here in New York and you don't know why he would be calling you. _

"_Mr. Vega?"_

"_Jade there has been an accident. Tori and Andre, they didn't make it." He starts to cry hysterically over the line and you still don't understand what is going on. "Andre must've lost control or something and now they're –" You don't hear the rest because you can't believe a word of what he is saying. It's all too painful to think of your two best friends no longer being on this earth. It just can't be true. It can't be._

* * *

Yeah sorry for not updating this in forever! Also sorry for rushing the events that took place and for any mistakes.

As always review because they keep my motivated. I lost all hope for this story so encouragement is needed. Hopefully I wont take to long to update the next and possibly the last chapter of this story.

Follow me on twitter (Kendraramma_)

love, Kendra


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